Reply to Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.

Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

[/quote]

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this. [/quote]

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.[/quote]

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests. [/quote]

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.

.
 She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.

Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed[/quote]

You know, it's pretty clear that the relationship between OP's family and her husband's parents is at least cordial enough that they are invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is not outside the realm of what is socially normal and expected to review who is attending those events with guests, either in conversation (e.g., "oh Jack called, he'll be in Fresno over Thanksgiving so we invited him and he'll be joining") or intentionally because of "the situation" (e.g., "We wanted to let you know that Jack will be coming to Thanksgiving this year - he's in the area and we're happy to have him. Please let us know if this changes your plans.")

I agree that you need to dial back the drama. This isn't your life. [/quote]

Sockpuppeting is pathetic[/quote]

Ask the moderator. I'm one of the two people in this side-convo.[/quote]
Op, the only drama here is what you have created. First by marrying a predator which you are in denial about.

Then by thinking it's appropriate to confront your in laws.  You're free to ask for a guest list. You're not free to demand they call you ahead of time or to anyway act like you and your DH are victims.
The victims are the women and teen he filmed and the cousin he wrote to.
The reality is your husband is very likely to reoffens. And pretending like it's drama that it's likely he has or will install a camera in your bathroom is burying your head in the sand.[/quote]

I'm not OP. And, PP and I aren't sock-puppeting each other. What's wrong with you?[/quote]
No you just have an overwhelming need to defend her and her husband.🙄.

To recap:

1. It was not appropriate to confront your MIL at Thanksgiving dinner. Your husband actually agrees with this.

2. You cannot demand your in-laws give you a heads up for every gathering.

3. You can ask ahead of each visit if there might be guests attending that make you uncomfortable.

4. You and your husband are not victims.  He is living the consequences of his egregious crimes.

5. Your husband likely to repeat. You can't downplay this as drama.[/quote]

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