Reply to Women expecting other women to be in charge of all holidays/logistics/family dynamics

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving. [/b]

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving.  This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up.  But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.  [/quote]

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work?  Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?[/quote]

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.[/quote]

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us.  That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.[/quote]

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really. [/quote]

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that.  Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do.  Again, slow clap for you.  [/quote]

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are. [/quote]

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist.  Take it elsewhere.  Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.[/quote]

Do better.[/quote]

How?  By "calling out women"?  What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread.  MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all.  We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us?  At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.[/quote]

I agree. I’m a poster that never picked up the rope with my husband’s family. But he literally cannot cook a thing so I’m bringing a couple of things on Thursday. My husband’s family is SUPER old fashioned. They live in a small southern town like it is the 1950s. They belong to a religion with no drinking, dancing or gambling. It is actually bananas to me that they have never expected me to pick up the rope. The only reason that makes sense to me is that my hsuband didn’t marry until he was 40. So they had a lot of years of just dealing with him. The majority of the 65 and older crown definitely thinks women run the calendar, the food, the gifts,  etc. I just lucked out.[/quote]

I do think marrying older men helps. I met dh in college and my inlaws really never had holidays with him as an adult post college. I think if they had, they would have lowered their expectations.

DH loves to cook and so do all the guys in my family. In my family, the men are always perfecting grandma's recipe and roasting/frying the turkey.

The thing I can't get DH to do is plan trips/holidays with his parents or decorate for the holidays. He just cannot decorate or plan out more events in December. Like our kids really want to go to the Nutcracker. If you don't buy tickets in November, the seats will be terrible. [/quote]

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