Reply to I am a legally married gay mother of 2. Ask me anything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Would you be upset if I told my child that that is not really the case? That is back to the zygote thing. BTW, I am open minded enough that my kids at three knew what a zygote was, complete with microscope images. They know all about the human genome and more than most of their friends, so they already know that two women can not have a child. To me it is like calling your father's second wife a mother, just not factual. [/quote]

NP here - No offense, but you're nitpicking the biology here because you don't accept that gay parents constitute a family, and want to pass that message along to your kids without SEEMING like a homophobe.  You know full well that when discussing a family with a 5 yo, the important thing is the familial relationship, not the ins and outs of the biological ancestry.  The terms "mother" and "father" aren't used to identify the biological parents, they're used to identify the role in the family structure.  A female parent is known as a mother, the child has two female parents, therefore, the child has two mothers.  If you're telling them that isn't true, you're the one who's confusing them.

Do you also tell them that the heterosexual couple who adopted a kid in their class aren't really the kid's parents?  It's exactly the same principle.

On another note, I wonder if your slavish devotion to science holds when your kids are taught about evolution?  After all, that is the scientific explanation for the beginning of human life.  Do you let it go at that?  [/quote]

Now that you bring it up. We spend a ton of time at museums and talk about evolution, natural selection, and so on. No Adam and Eve, never was, sorry. The first time I heard about Heather and two mommies, I said, may as well tell them about the stork, just dumb. FWIW, two of my gay friends have kids, and those kids have a mother and father regardless of marriage. In this case, no anonymous donors, just decided to have kids with people they liked. My kids have an adopted cousin, and they KNOW that he has a bio mom somewhere in CA, and he was legally adopted by his parents. [/quote]

So you’re saying your child rejects the cousin's adopted parents and refuses to acknowledge them as the kid's mom and dad since it's physically impossible for a zygote to have two moms and two dads?  And the "real" mom and dad are out there, and obviously not the people raising him.  So the people raising the cousin are just... random people?    Is your family dumbfounded that the two people raising the cousin refer to themselves as the mom and dad.  What a joke, right?  I can’t believe they could be so ridiculous to try to pull the wool over your kids eyes that way!

FWIW, every gay couple I know in MD+DC the other mom has legally adopted the child so there are two legal moms (one the bio) and there is also a bio dad out there, whether a donor or an involved dad.  
[/quote]

No, no rejection. They just understand that if their aunt has heart disease, it is unlikely thattheir son will have this problem. The issue I have is that the children end up confused. We went through a generation of lies about reproduction, so why start over. Of course kids will eventually get it, but why not explain from the get go.

WRT the comment about embryo transfer, unless there is a really good reason for such a thing, I find it silly. I had IVF, and to this date, I worry about potential chromosomal abnormalities that could surface later as a result of the technique. The oldes IVF child is still too young to know. [/quote]

So, in this scenario, if your kid asked about their classmate with two mommies, after you got done explaining that their classmate in fact does not have two mommies, how would you explain the second woman living with their classmate?[/quote]

I would say the mother's wife, who adopted them. [/quote]

:roll:  I am a bio mom.  My partner participated in and was there at conception, was ecstatic at the ultrasounds, cried at the birth, cut her cord, was the first person to ever hold and snuggle our daughter.  Went out to the waiting to tell our family members, cue more crying.  She was placed on the birth certificate at the hospital as a “real” parent… and so the story goes from there.

I think you should try telling your ideas to our daughter.  She would look at me like, wow where did this idiot come from .    :wink:  Which I guess might forces us to have the painful talk with her about the huge variability in intelligence in the human species, due to genetic and environmental influences.  And that while she DD blessed in the intelligence department, not everyone is.   And we would move on   :D[/quote]

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