Reply to Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You save 90% of what you make?  You are cheap.[/quote]

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this. [/quote]

There's frugal, and there's cheap, and well, I think you're running the risk of being more the latter than the former (and I say this as a wealthy but frugal person).  However, none of that matters.  What matters is that your fiance and you do not see eye to eye on some pretty major life decisions.  You can sit down and talk it out and see if there can be a meeting of the minds, or you can decide this is really not going to work out long-term.  Either way requires doing some more difficult, grown-up things.  Good luck, OP.[/quote]

This is good advice. The only way to work this our is through difficult, grown up conversations. IMO, her comments about the ring are inappropriate and hurtful. I would never tell someone that just proposed to me that the ring wasn't good enough. Really poor form. That is a red flag.

The house stuff is tricky. She could be revealing that she's totally bratty, or she could be watch the market and seeing that the kinds of house you were consider before at $1.5m are now far more expensive than $1.5m and she wants the same thing.

The shifting plans on SAHM v working - you spend $3000/month. She might be freaking out and realizing that you are not going to want to spend the same amount you pay now for all monthly expenses on childcare alone, and you will. Infant care can easily cost over $2500/month. She may be figuring that is the only option if you are so cheap. I would go into the conversation neutrally, listen and don't assume the worst. [/quote]

I think men are allowed to not want to support their wives staying home.

Lots of families go through this. It just usually happens after they are pregnant or have the baby.

Lots of families also go through difference in opinion of how much house they want. Recently I had an old friend telling me they are looking in our neighborhood. She sent me a link to a $4m house. They live in a modest home now. I thought maybe they won the lottery or something. Friend told me this was her dream home and perfect for their family. They didn’t move. She still works. I don’t work and she sometimes comments how she had my life.

When I had my first, my baby had congenital heart defects and required 2 heart surgeries. I desperately wanted to stay home with him but we simply couldn’t afford it. Eventually we could afford and I stopped working when my second child was almost 4 years old. I got pregnant shortly after and am now home with our 3 kids.[/quote]

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