Reply to Tell me about adoption

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][/quote]

New responder to this part of the thread and yes, [b]I think it is reasonable for the grandparents to come to you home or pick up their grandchild, referring only to the one child as their grandchild and treating the others with simple kindness and politeness and cordiality, but not as grandparents.[/b]

It would be similar if your husband had been married before you and his wife had died.  You’ve married him years later and you now have more children together.  Your husband’s first child is their grandchild.  Your children can k with that their oldest child has an extra set of grandparents because she had a first mother before you.  They are your oldest child’s relatives.

The difference here is that it was your choice to adopt a child and to have bio children so of course they are all your children.  But the bio grandparents haven’t had more grandchildren.

My brother died 10 years ago.  If his widow got married now and had babies, they wouldn’t be my nephews.  I’d be kind to them and show interest in them because they would be my nephew’s siblings, but I wouldn’t expect my sister in law to let them come visit us or come to our extended family functions.  That just makes sense to me.  [/quote]

[b]It probably doesn't make much sense  to anyone else.  In fact, it's pretty messed up, and really super sad. 
I can't imagine grandparents singling out only their  biological grandchildren, and excluding adopted grandchildren or even step grandchildren. BTW- there is a whole different thread on this. You might want  to read that. [/quote][/b]

[b]Agree.  So PP thinks it is OK for biological grandparents to single out ONLY their biologically-related child for a relationship?

If that's the case then the biological grandparents of the biological child(ren) in the family should be able to exclude the ADOPTED child? Of course not.

But PP is saying that it's OK for the birth family of adoptee to do so. See how that works...

Adoptive family: Larla (bio child) and Larlo (adoptee) are our children. We all celebrate birthdays together.

Birth family: Larlo (adoptee) is our child. We will take him out and celebrate his birthday but Larla stays home because she is not "ours."

PP is saying it's acceptable for people to do that.  That's just nuts.

It shows how complex and problematic some open adoption scenarios can be and the fact there have been NO long-term studies on how this affects adoptees, bio children in the family, both sets of parents and families. [/quote][/b][/quote]

Imagine the psychological effects on the bio children in the family. It would be sadly ironic if some day the bio children said, "I wish I were adopted. Larlo has two moms and dads and gets two birthday celebrations.  I only get one!"[/quote]

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