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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You know who sounds controlling to me?  The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement.  I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd.  Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering.  It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.[/quote]

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.[/quote]

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. [b] His response was to sit there mutely.  That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do.  If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group.[/b]  My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right.  When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status.  I'll talk to you when we get back."  He didn't.  [/quote]

My husband was raised that he didn't speak back to his parents. MIL's relationship with FIL isn't great and DH has become sort of her emotional support in life. He is somewhat enmeshed with his mother, who does not respect boundaries and he has an extremely hard time saying no to her even when he wants to and has left it up to me to send messages at times because he simply can't do it.  One time he did speak up with an issue he had and he later told me he felt sick to his stomach.

An example would be his mother went to his doctor to find out what happened during a medical appointment for DH.  She was upset the doctor wouldn't discuss DH's health with her, she complained to DH about it, DH was upset that she did this and did ask her about it.  Of course MIL got upset and told him she is his mother and only looking out for him.  DH could not tell her he found it inappropriate, he let it go because he knew the doctors wouldn't give out his medical information.  He has gotten better over time though although his main way of handling things with his mother is avoidance.

His mother would say they are close, they aren't, their relationship is what I consider unhealthy, DH cannot be honest and open with his mother.  His mother also got upset if we went on holiday and she didn't hear from him every day.  She got upset if I showed affection to DH in her presence such as sitting next to him on a lounge, or touching his hand.  I can assure you I am not abusive to my DH but have seen him struggle to put any boundaries in place and only with age has DH gotten a weak backbone.  It doesn't surprise me in the least that this son sat there mutely.  I have seen DH do it a million times with his mother because he can't be honest with her, or speak his mind.  His mother uses guilt and manipulation to get what she wants. The wife isn't abusive, its simply that the mother and son don't really have a healthy relationship.[/quote]

None of this is even remotely connected to what OP said.  Yes, it sounds like your husband has problems relating to women, and it sounds like you're one of them.  But none of this is anywhere near something that OP said.  Stay in your lane, PP.[/quote]

I was replying to the PP who said the wife may be emotional abusive because the son sat there mutely and didn't speak up.  I was explaining that this does happen.  So perhaps you should stay in your lane.

Oh by the way, my husband is honest with me and talks with me, he does not have a problem relating to all women.  Love the way you make an assumption about how my own DH who you don't even know relates to me.  The very fact I know how he feels about all these issues means he has talked to me honestly, something he cannot do with his mother.

People are having such a hard time understanding why the message didn't come from the son.  What I wrote is possibly why.[/quote]

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