Reply to Friends being cagey about plans. How would you react?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm really intrigued by this thread. I think it gets to these broader question that has, over the last 10 years or so, become some of the most essential to my life:

What is a friend? What's the line between a friend and acquaintance? What are your obligations to friends, close friends, acquaintances, and just people? And what do they owe you in return.

I don't really know the answer to these questions but I think it's interesting how many people are responding to this thread with absolute confidence and authority that they do. Part of me agrees with people telling OP to just move on and not ask the birthday woman about it. I know that conversation is going to be awkward and could potentially turn out very badly for OP (OP, it could, you need to know). But also... I kind of want to know? I totally get why OP feels hurt and I am curious how the other woman thinks about it. If she even thinks about it at all, which she may not. It's very possible that only OP thinks of this group as a defined thing that might entitle her to an invite to a party for a woman she admits she is not that close to. But it's also possible the birthday woman also thinks of the group this way, knew she was risking some drama in deciding to keep OP off the invite list, and did it anyway. And maybe her reasons were benign ("I don't know this person that well, it's my birthday, I want to keep it small and familiar") and maybe they were antagonistic ("I don't like her and I don't care that inviting her is the polite thing -- it's my birthday"). I would support the choice either way, but I find it interesting.

I feel like Marie Kondo. "I love mess." But only because it's not mine. This would really stress me out if I were one of the involved parties.

(Though, FTR, if I was one of the other friends I would have let OP know what we were doing, in a gentle way, just so she wasn't surprised when she eventually found it, which shpe obviously was going to given the closeness of the husbands in the group. You can't trust men! One of the truest things OP says is that men are dumb about this stuff."[/quote]

I agree that this is fascinating.  What fascinates me most is the way in which unwritten social rules are evolving on the balance between societal needs and individual desires.  I wish I knew the generational breakdown of the various responses. [/quote]

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