Reply to If you’ve considered suicide, what keeps you from doing it?

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[quote=Anonymous]I strongly considered it around November/December 2005.  I wrote letters to my family members and called my grandparents to tell them that I loved them.  Then I purchased everything I would need in order to do it and picked a weekend that I knew no one would be expecting to see me.  
The thing that stopped me was realizing that I would ruin Christmas for my parents and siblings forever.  So, in my insane logic, I decided to wait until January.   Apparently, in my mind, if I killed myself in January, my entire family could just forget about me over Christmases, and not think about my passing until the holiday had ended.  Like they wouldn’t think about it every day for the rest of their lives.

Anyway, by the time January came, some things changed for me.  I started an antidepressant.  I was still suicidal a lot of the time, but I had many moments of ambivalence.  I moved back in to my parents’ house for the month so that I would be monitored (not that I told them what was going on), and I wouldn’t have weekends alone.

Eventually, things got better.  I met my husband that spring, and we started dating here and there.  And things got bad again.  I stopped my antidepressant, then didn’t start it again because I didn’t think I was worth anyone’s time to prescribe it for me.  Eventually, my depression resolved on its own after about a tear and a half.  (I meant to say year and a half, but I’m going to leave that in there).

I have dealt with it a couple of times since then.  But once I got married and then had children, I never made any serious plans.  A couple of years ago, my son was diagnosed with ADHD, and I realized that I had so many of the same symptoms.  I started treatment for it, and many of my thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness went away.  
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