Reply to Imposing relatives on MY birthday

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Imposing relatives on MY birthday"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?[/quote]

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus. [/quote]

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

[/quote]

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.

In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP. [/quote]

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it?  You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?[/quote]

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway.[b] Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle.[/b] [b]Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. [/b]She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out. [/quote]

Jesus.  No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)?  They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide."  They already DID DECIDE, together.  Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do.  Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics