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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?[/quote]

Why would they want to date somebody who has kids?[/quote]

This. My DH has this delusion that if we broke up, he'd find some good looking young-ish woman (under 35) to be with him. He's 48 and I'm 39. I have told him no young-ish woman wants middle aged dad bod with a toddler and an ex-wife. That's like the LAST thing any single quality woman worth her salt would want. On top of that he's impotent (seriously) so he'd have to find that unicorn woman in her early 30s that neither wants kids and wants to take care of his young child. Smh so delusional  :roll:  :roll: [/quote]

This made me chuckle. I think all men think this way. I (sort of) worry OP ditched his ex with this illusion fueling his decision.[/quote]

100%  The whole OP reeks of this - "Okay right after I got divorced I wasn't finding the women that I know are out there for me - younger, hot, not interested in kids, fine with my kids, down for whatever I feel like doing.  I must have just been looking in the wrong venues; where are they?"[/quote]

Ha, this made me laugh. :)

But seriously OP, I give you credit for hanging in there with this thread. DCUM can be a bunch of harpies, but there's some good advice in there if you have a thick enough skin.

I was child free until 36, never married, unclear what I wanted but professionally successful. Absolutely would not date guys with kids. I had a baby on my own, then wouldn't date guys without them. Why? I needed someone who understood my life and could work with it.

Ultimately we are all pretty self-centered, in that we want what we want. There's nothing wrong with that. But you help yourself the most by having some insight into whether or not what you want is reasonable, and that's going to require some compromise.

Your posts demonstrate an ability to understand your situation, but respectfully, you seem stuck in a "I just want what works for me" place. Be honest: were you a true partner in your marriage? If not, and you don't change that the next go-around, it'll fall apart again.

Spend some time dating casually, keep kids out of it, maybe talk to a therapist or a friend. Your unicorn may be out there, but she's going to have her own needs and wants, regardless of her feelings about your  kids or her lack thereof.

Good luck. It can work out. I found a guy with kids who are much older than mine; our kids being at two different developmental stages works great for us. [/quote]

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