Reply to Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These people saying it takes strength to stay...pshaw, yeah right.  No, it takes strength to uproot your life and give up financial security and companionship for the *chance* of finding another partner.  Accepting your spouse's abuse is the easy way out.  And that's fine.  But let's cut the strength crap.[/quote]

This is one of the reasons why I’m reluctant to even try counseling with my husband. I have a great career and am financially independent. I don’t need him for things like finances, insurance, etc. I am motivated mostly by my children to reconcile but o agree that when I look in the mirror and think about what he did to me, I am calling myself names For even thinking of trying. He hurt me in so many ways and my self image and confidence are at zero. [/quote]

I think when you poll women in marriages that survived adultery, you'll find that many of them emerged with their self-image and confidence completely independent of their spouse' behavior.  It has certainly happened to me. We have a very solid marriage after two turbulent years caused by his affair.   One thing that changed is that I feel more independent emotionally.  In a sense, I simply came to believe that nothing my husband does or doesn't do is a reflection on me in any way. He is a completely separate person with his own ideas, thoughts and wants. He is not there to fill my needs. I am not there to fill his. I really don't see now how anything he does has anything to do with my self-image or confidence. I am a separate person. [/quote]

That’s a really powerful feeling. I’m hoping to get there one day. My DH cheated with multiple prostitutes. After seeing the photos and reading the texts and emails between my DH and the prostitutes, my self esteem and self image hit rock bottom. I really feel that I must be the ugliest most disgusting woman on the planet if my spouse would rather pay someone to have sex with him than have sex with his wife. We’re in therapy and I “understand” it has nothing to do with me. I hope one day I can believe it and feel good about myself again. It’s inspiring to hear where you’re at mentally. [/quote]

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