Reply to Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?

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Reply to "Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These people saying it takes strength to stay...pshaw, yeah right.  No, it takes strength to uproot your life and give up financial security and companionship for the *chance* of finding another partner.  Accepting your spouse's abuse is the easy way out.  And that's fine.  But let's cut the strength crap.[/quote]

This is one of the reasons why I’m reluctant to even try counseling with my husband. I have a great career and am financially independent. I don’t need him for things like finances, insurance, etc. I am motivated mostly by my children to reconcile but o agree that when I look in the mirror and think about what he did to me, I am calling myself names For even thinking of trying. He hurt me in so many ways and my self image and confidence are at zero. [/quote]

I think when you poll women in marriages that survived adultery, you'll find that many of them emerged with their self-image and confidence completely independent of their spouse' behavior.  It has certainly happened to me. We have a very solid marriage after two turbulent years caused by his affair.   One thing that changed is that I feel more independent emotionally.  In a sense, I simply came to believe that nothing my husband does or doesn't do is a reflection on me in any way. He is a completely separate person with his own ideas, thoughts and wants. He is not there to fill my needs. I am not there to fill his. I really don't see now how anything he does has anything to do with my self-image or confidence. I am a separate person. [/quote]

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