Reply to Why do men assume their wife will become a SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Male biglaw partner here.  My wife is SAHM, it's fairly common for the male partners at the firm to have SAHMs[b].   Female partners are more likely to be divorced.[/b]

[b]Women lose respect for their husbands when they stay home.[/b]  They may not say it out loud, they may not even want to feel that way.  S[b]eems to be some type of jealousy/envy that the male partners have SAHM and can focus solely on work while women have to do a second shift at hom[/b]e.   That dynamic, more than any other I have seen, accounts for the wage and advancement gap and probably the divorce gap too.

[b]Until women are willing to accept (and men can truly accomplish) the male SAH role, the gap will persist when kids come alon[/b]g.[/quote]

Who cares what your job is?   Perhaps things would change if men like yourself put more effort into staying home with their kids, demanded things like paternity leave. [/quote]

I was a little snippy with you , but to the bold

I am not surprised more female partners are divorced, because as you said they do the same job as you at work, but then come home and do all the work there.  Is it envy or is it  frustration?   I don't disagree that Americans ( men and women) still have antiquated ideas about men staying  at home, but why is it all on the women to change that?  Why is it women's responsibility to do all the work at home and take on societal change?

Why can't you or other men take can active role, in advocating for men to stay home if they want? Would that advocacy be more effective with men at the helm, with men supporting them?

[/quote]

I understand your frustrations but they are misdirected.

My firm like all forms are fine if men what to daddy track. As long as they bring value to the firm, we will retain them and pay them their worth, just as we would any other person who is scaling back.  We have done this but it's obviously more rare.  I do not find any animosity from full time equity partners towards men who scale back.  If anything, there may be a bit of jealousy since many of us are like me, sole breadwinners who don't have an option of scaling back and relying on a spouse's income.

To me, it's women that have the problem with this, at least romantically.  Proof is in the multiple message boards here from women who won't date men without certain income requirements, etc.  Or the SAHMs groups that exclude SAHDs.

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