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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have gotten married. My advice to young women is to think long and hard before legally binding yourself to another person in this way. It’s 2020 and the world is yours— you can have an amazing life without marriage or kids.[/quote]

I also agree with this. You can also have a great life with no marriage, and still have kids or any of many combinations of existence.

Unfortunately, marriage is still seen as a value marker- if I'm married I'm valuable I'm doing something right[/quote]

I can't tell you how much I wish someone had made me realize when I was young that marriage and children and not the only way to have a wonderful life.  I married too young, before I really knew who I was or what I wanted.  Looking back, I remember thinking that getting married meant progressing as a person, but I don't think I could have told you what that progress meant.

[/quote]

This is what I still struggle with. In my late 30s and I do not want kids. When I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure I want to be married. I've worked hard to have a good career and make good money on my own, and the thought of legally entangling myself with someone else in a way that could threaten that scares me. I'm also in a place where I would much rather be single than really compromise finding a best friend and equal partner just to be with someone. My life is good, and marrying is a big risk in a lot of ways. However, it is a constant struggle to not feel valued less by society or feel as though there is something wrong with you when you don't want what everyone else wants all the time.

That being said, I think I've learned a few things about partners along the way:

Emotional health is/should be key to finding/being a good partner. No one is perfect and everyone will have flaws. But the ability to know yourself, have confidence in who you are, recognize your shortcomings, and deal honestly and openly with others is key.

Love is not enough. Love is crucial, but it does not overcome everything. I am a firm believer that you not only have to love someone, but you have to want to live life the same way to make a relationship work. I'm constantly amazed by the number of people I know pursuing marriage with people who, at the end of the day, don't really want the same things out of life in the same ways. "But we love each other!" Great, talk to me in 10 years when you fight about money, where to live, how you like to spend your free time, how much you like to see family...I could go on. You don't have to be the same on everything, but in general, you've got to want life the same way to make it work.

Strongly echo the posters saying the most important thing is to be confident and strong on your own. At the end of the day, no one can predict the future. You never know exactly what you are getting when you get married. People change, life happens. Being happy and secure on your own is the only thing you can control and will make the hard times, with or without someone, that much easier for you to confidently manage and make it out the other side. [/quote]

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