Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Who are you to make the decision for your wife?  It's so patronizing for you to say that you know what's good for your wife, and it just conveniently just happens to be what's good for you. /s

You sound like you're rationalizing it and it's just not right thing to do for your wife.  Either she'll say go for it and you have permission from her or she will not be happy but at least she has a say in it as well.  It's a 1950's attitude toward your wife.  It's time to move beyond the 1950's attitudes.

[/quote]I've made a decision for me.  Not for her.  It has no effect on her.  I'm not asking her permission to have sex with someone else and [b]I'm not blowing up what I have by telling her.[/b]  I don't seek her permission.  She didn't ask my permission to end out married sex life.  You are wrong, she has no say in my decision to have an AP.  I have no say at all in her decision to shut down our sex life.  If she cares to turn a blind eye to the reality of our situation, I'm fine with that. Denial is one way to deal with it.[/quote]
What exactly do you "have"?[b] Why don't you tell her what you are doing[/b], and then she can decide whether to "turn a blind eye to the reality" of the situation or not. She does not know the reality of the situation because you are keeping it from her. Why is this so difficult for you to grasp?[/quote]

Are you this clueless in real life too?  OK, I'll explain it to you like I'm talking to a child.  What do I have?  I have an AP and we provide each other with what is missing from our marriages. Sex.
Why don't I tell her?  Are you serious?  Do you really not understand why I would throw my AP in her face?  OK, since you don't seem to have a grasp on reality, I'll spell it out for you.  She would react the same as I suspect you would react.  And yes, I'm making a few assumptions here.  One being that you are female, married, and would not take it so well to find out your husband has an AP.  This would also lead to a huge blow-up, her demanding to know who this woman is that has destroyed her marriage, and...  oh come on, you know the rest of this story.  Why the F would I subject myself to that?  That is all besides the fact that I owe it to my AP to not reveal our arrangement, the same as she owes it to me.  Lastly, since you really don't get it, I don't want anything to cause my arrangement to end.

Rest assured, she doesn't need to know about my AP to know the reality of the situation.  She is painfully aware of our reality and has no desire to make any changes or even discuss it.  So the next move was mine.  The years after she cut off all sex and before my AP were much worse for her and us.  Now there is peace in our marriage as I don't ever say or do anything along sexual lines with her.  She is relieved of that and the tension in our marriage is gone.

As I said, it's far from ideal but it works for now.  And having visited this dark corner of marriage, I can say with some authority that at least 20% of the men and women you know in marriages are doing the same thing.  Married but looking dating sites still do very well and there is plenty to choose from.[/quote]

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