Reply to I'm afraid I've seriously damaged my children's lives

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, OP, you’re in an abusive relationship and the woman only controlling your every move. You have to leave. I’m not trying to be unsympathetic, but if you stay it is your fault, not hers.  She won’t change.  So, if you stay, you are choosing her over your children.  I wouldn’t put too much stock on how quickly they respond to your texts or emails.  I think this is a very sad situation and you should reflect on building up your own mental strength and courage and get out.  Make a list of the reasons why you should leave versus the reasons why you would stay. You have only one life.  Don’t waste precious time in this situation anymore.  You obviously don’t want to be in this relationship.  [/quote]

I'm already financially ruined so I don't know if it matters anymore.  Mentally I am a shambles.

One of my kids texted back a couple times - don't know if I got a response to my email because I have not yet been informed by the Keeper Of The Account.  She was SUPER pissed with the email I sent and has barely said a word to me in two days.  But I hear a lot of singing so many bipolar is in full effect.  I don't know anymore. [/quote]

Look I know it's hard to get out if the fog of abuse but there's no reason why you can't create your own email account to contact your kids. O know it's hard to divorce or separate right now but you can take some positive steps now and try to get ready  to divorce and to rebuild the relationship with your children. Your wife can be mad at you but know that there's nothing wrong with a father communicating with his kids especially during a pandemic[/quote]

I want to reach out every day.

I want to send them every photo I have of us together smiling and laughing - that's all we did.

I want to embrace them.

Wife says its weird and I should not be "chasing" my children, especially now at their (upper teen) ages.  She got really heated the other day and accused me of wanting a sick, romantic-like relationship with them.  I am also trying to be respectful of the deep harm I have caused them and I know their relationship with me was a huge issue in  their therapy.  I don't want to just force my way back in.

I honestly pray that no one reading this ever makes the same mistake that I did.  I had a lot of shitty things happen to me external to this but looking back I simply do not understand how I let things get to this point or let myself be persuaded to treat them this way.  
  [/quote]

Your wife will react this way to you having any sort of relationship with anyone - your children, your parents, your friends. You will have no one and nothing for as long as you are with her. She knows that she can only hold on to you if she is able to isolate you and convince you that you can't live without her. [/quote]

I've wondered about this...she got ultra pissy on Easter when I called my parents.  I took the call outside because I wanted to talk about the kids and she took it as an insult that I did not want her overhearing, that I did not want to give her the chance to say hello to my parents, etc.  Sent me a storm of angry texts about it.  She also keeps insisting that my parents talk to my ex.  I don't think they do, and at this point, I'd no longer be upset about it.  We were married a long time and she was truly the daughter my mother never had, and she sent thoughtful gifts, would call, etc.

It would almost be impossible for me to be more isolated that I am now.  Part of that is my health...I just don't have it in me.  But I wonder. [/quote]

Your parents are allowed to talk to the mother of their grandchildren or anyone else on this earth that they choose to talk to. Your wife doesn't get any sort of say into their lives. Nor should she have had a say in your relationship with your children. You have a list of excuses but I think you know they are just excuses. Your wife is doing and saying these things because you allow it. You avoid the conflict because it's easier for you to give in. These are the unfortunately consequences of your choices and only you have the power to change anything. [/quote]

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