Reply to If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?

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Reply to "If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ignoring "declare open marriage guy" if we can, I wonder what responsibility others might think a low desire spouse has to address the situation if sex frequency drops below, say, once a month without any obvious medical reason.

The higher desire spouse is supposed to communicate, and that's fine, but is the lower desire spouse justified in ignoring the situation or assuming nothing is wrong?[/quote]

Sometimes, the problem really isn't solvable.

If the problem is a desire gap - she wants it 1x a week, he wants it 3x a week, then there can be a 2x a week compromise or some activity in between 1x a week.  But if she (or he) doesn't want it at all, the idea of 1x a week turns into resentment.  I have BTDT for coming on a decade.  Multiple conversations, efforts, toys, mid-day, end of day, morning, role-play, quickies, longer - it doesn't matter.  The core issue is a total lack of desire (or desire for me) and there is no amount she wants.

If you have ever had to choose between having sex with a partner that clearly prefers not to - even if she (or he) is doing it out of love/charity - it eventually becomes pointless.  And the marriage will whither, you can only hide a total lack of desire for so long.  It will always end in cheating, divorce or resentment.  Always.[/quote]

So what you’re saying is that as soon as you know there’s a gap in drive, just divorce since effort from lower drive spouse isn’t worth it.  I’m wondering what % of relationships have a gap in drive.  [/quote]

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