Reply to How to survive an unhappy marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow tough crowd here. I'm sorry for my wording, I'm no misogynist and my religion isn't the only reason I won't entertain divorce. Thank you to the 2-3 posters with serious/helpful replies. I have expressed my unhappiness to my wife several times, hence asking her to go to couples counseling with me. I haven't threatened her with divorce because I think she'd know it's a veiled threat. I guess I can try to offer ultimatums, but it seems nonsensical to make threats that I don't intend to follow through with if my expectations aren't met. [/quote]

Don’t give her ultimatums you’re not going to follow through on, that will just make everything worse, however you don’t have suffer in silence.

You don’t have to talk about divorce, but there are plenty of ways to shake her out of complacency.

1) First, tell her you’re going to talk to your pastor with or without her. That’s an ultimatum you can follow through on.

2) Tell her you’re no longer willing to keep up the facade that everything is okay. She can go to counseling with you now or choose not to, but you’re not going to pretend that things are okay when they’re not.

3) You have a huge support network through family and church! Start using it. I don’t mean air your dirty laundry, but it’s fine to tell close friends and family that you’re struggling. It’s okay to say your marriage is in bad shape and you’re depressed you can’t convince your wife to try to fix it. You can ask for prayers.

Note, that I never suggest you threaten to leave your wife or have an affair. However I have a feeling that reaching out to your community for support and advice is going to make your wife deeply upset and uncomfortable. This could be the kick in the pants she needs to get her out of her comfort zone and motivate her to make changes. At a minimum you stop suffering in silence.

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