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[quote=Anonymous]We have this issue potentially on both sides.

I am not particularly close to my parents, and not close at all to my sister.  They live in the same city (not where we grew up).  It is likely that, to the extent necessary, eldercare responsibilities will fall disproportionately on her (though I'll help out monetarily if need be).  My sister is single, and has a job in which she helps others that is not particularly lucrative (despite spending 6 figures on an advanced professional degree she never used).  It is entirely possible that my parents have paif off her student loans (I don't know) and will leave larger share of their estate to her, although as two retired public school teachers they have generous retirement incomes and not terribly significant assets.  That would be understandable - she is closer to them, she is around them much more, and the money will make more of a difference in her life.  That said, it would sting a little if we didn't get an interest in their vacation property that they know we love and visit every year (if they own it at the time of their death) - but it still woudl be be understandable if we didn't.  Also, my kid is my parents' only grandchild, and I have a hard time believing that they will ignore her in their will.

My spouse has one brother, who has three kids.  They are estranged from his wife's family through no fault of their own (SIL's family is a bunch of narcissistic lunatics), and that estrangement caused a significant upheaval (both emotional and financial) in their lives.  It would not surprise me if my ILs account for that in their will, which in my view (and my spouse's) would also be be understandable.

I won't pretend that different treatment may not hurt a little, but so much depends on the reasons for the disparate treatment, and a whole host of other factors.  If it's the last straw in a long history of favoritism, or parents supporting an otherwise able but lazy child, it is a lot more likely to cause problems.  If there are good reasons, though, people are a lot more likely to work through bruised feelings.  [/quote]

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