Reply to Married Women: How do you feel when men flirt with you?

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Reply to "Married Women: How do you feel when men flirt with you?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If they are a stranger and we're interacting in a natural way ie coffee barista or ticket sales guy or something and we get some flirty banter going then that is flattering and fun.

If I know them then I am immediately uncomfortable as it is less fun and seems more like...dangerous is the wrong word because I'm not tempted to cheat or anything but it feels more disrespectful of the marriage.

Basically casual fun flirtation with someone who is socially normal and charming is fun but anything that verges into 'could be taken seriously' territory changes things. [/quote]

Yes. As PPs have said, there is a fine line between friendliness (non sexualized; you would act the same even if you were in no way physically attracted to the person) and mild flirting (gently indicating possible sexual interest — note the “gently” and “possible” here!)

I think mild flirting is ok to receive or engage in — even if you are married — without much thought, except not at work. At work, be friendly only, and if you want to flirt, ask the person if they want to hang out with you outside of work. If s/he says yes, then attempt mild flirting on that occasion, if s/he reciprocates, you can escalate, but back off if you don’t get an equal response. If you’re not sure after a few non-work hang outs if escalation is welcomed, you may OUTSIDE OF WORK politely convey your interest and consider the response. Be prepared to back off immediately if the response is negative. Know that if things get awkward or negative and you & the other person cannot work together effectively, then you — the initiator — will have to find a new job. Take it slow.

A similar, slow approach starting with mild flirting is IMO the only surefire respectful way to court a sexual relationship. You can try to speed things up, but you faster you go, the greater the risk that the other party will feel disrespected (at best) or harassed or physically threatened (at worst).

If you want to move fast, ask consent first. I’d rather have a stranger on the metro ask, “Could I tell you something of a blunt sexual nature?” (I would likely decline, but ymmv) than say, “I’d like to have sex with you right now.”  
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