Reply to For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.[/quote]

It's because society has come to see it as fine when women don't change their names upon marriage, but still assume that if a child has her mother's last name and not her father's, it's because she was born out of wedlock or to a different man. Not saying that is right or wrong, but that's still the view, and it's going to be harder to change because while women may be happy to take a stand on their own behalf, it's harder to think that people might be whispering about your child.

Attitudes do change though. My own mother kept her last name at a time when most women did not (early 70s). She said she got a lot of flak for it. Her primary care physician scolded her for it. The car dealer insisted she couldn't buy a car under her "maiden" name if she was married. Etc. Even when I was a kid in the 80s/90s, classmates would ask me if she was my step-mother or if she was really related to me. She was a teacher at my school and sometimes the other teachers would get angry when they realized halfway through the year for the first time that I was the daughter of a colleague -- they felt misled somehow. It's harder to imagine all this today when so many women keep their names. Although I have a colleague who asked another colleague, sotto voce, if I got divorced, because he "couldn't understand" why I had a different last name from my husband and children. And this is a guy my age (mid-30s).[/quote]

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