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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Always after date night.  We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.  Our “date night” is dropping the kids to grandma’s and coming back to the house.  We come back to the house and spend a couple of hours drinking wine and having sex.  If there’s enough time afterwards, we’ll go grab a quick bite to eat before picking up the kids. DW here and Often times, I will just set up a nice cheese/fruit board for us to enjoy after so we dont feel rushed picking up the kids.[/quote]

Same here. Our kids are 3 and 6 now, but we drop them off at their friends, family member's house, or our church's parents' night out and come back home. Wine and cheese, takeout, or a quick dinner after. So it's during date night I guess?

We went through a dry spell when the kids were younger, and it caused a ton of tension. Aging, working mom stress, frequent illness of the daycare years, and some unspoken resentments...all added up to me really wanting alone time before bed and his advances were an affront to that. I felt like during my waking hours, there was never a moment where someone wasn't needing something from me. I heard Esther Perel talking about how when your partner wants to have sex with you, it's an invitation to connect with that version of yourself. I thought about what it meant to deny myself that, and how lonely it probably felt for him to not have it, either. It opened up conversations and I was honest that I needed a couple nights a week where it was off the table, no pressure. Just having the promise of those nights to myself changed things for me. It ultimately wasn't about choreplay or date nights or not being the default parent - I try to separate those things from our intimate time. It's not always perfect but it's improved a lot and I don't foresee any extended dry spells. Also: weed is a wonder drug that has further helped me be in the moment with DH. Recommend.[/quote]

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