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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think my mother's generation was raised to always be making sacrifices and saying "yes" even when you desperately need to say "no." I find she does a lot of things she doesn't want to do out of obligation and feels resentful and angry. If she had said "no" more to take care of herself she would have been a better parent because she would not have been so stressed out all the time. She is a caregiver now and it has been pulling teeth to get her to accept5 even the tiniest bit of help. I see the benefits when she gets a break, but she is really rigid about how much time she will take for herself and the result when she doesn't get enough is her lashing out at everyone.[/quote]

I think the other component of this is that they resent the generation of women below them saying no as well.[/quote]

x10000

DP here.  Most definitely.  MIL says "no" as often as a petulant child now, at inappropriate times.  It is a big deal to her, so she says it whenever possible, like she is making up for lost time.  What she doesn't realize is how people see her, and the "legacy" that she is leaving - she is alienating most of her family because her resentment is misguided and misdirected.  It is like all those years of being pissed off, and now she has a new target (DIL) - so in MIL's mind: "why not?".  Bad idea, all around.[/quote]

Can you give examples of appropriate times she says "no" and also inappropriate times. I can see that if she always had sacrificed her own desires to take care of her family that she might not now know the difference between when she should say "no" and when she should say "yes."

Does she ever hit that line just right, or is she just not capable at this point? Again, I'd love to hear examples, just because it's hard even for younger people to know when it's right to say "no" and when it's right to make a bit of a self sacrifice for the good of others. 
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