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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is also lazy.

I [b]think the nice way to put this would be something like “exhibits deficits in executive functioning” and is “inattentive,” but the truth is that he is a stupid and lazy man. In decisions big and small, he doesn’t have any ideas, asks me questions like “what should we do?” as if I have a manual, and shuts down easily. When crises hit, I am both the idea person and the doer. I can’t entrust tasks to him because the simplest job is an opportunity to shirk, forget, or make some idiotic mistake I couldn’t even imagine was possible.

Before we had a child and all sorts of difficulties hit, his deficits were well hidden. He was slow to do basic things, but there was not nearly as much to do. And I am a very energetic, take-charge person who naturally assumes responsibility. Now, however, there is simply too much for me to take on, no matter how much energy I have. I work 60-80 hour weeks, while he works no more than 40. Yet, I have to do most things.

He can’t be trusted with our child’s appointments because when he goes, he checks out and forgets to tell the doctor important information and then forgets what the doctor told him. He can’t be trusted with our child’s medication because it is a controlled substance with a precise dose and he likes to pour “roughly” enough. He forgets to feed her when I’m not home. He can’t even grocery shop.

It has gotten to the point at which I struggle to talk to him with respect, which makes him even more nervous and helpless. I have never heard of sheer stupidity as a ground for divorce, but that is where I am[/b]. [/quote]

OP, I have seen husbands from top colleges act the same way.  What you are talking about is lack of common sense and lack of initiative. It could be said about lots of men.  Don't think that your husband lacks brains because he acts this way, that is not the problem.  Just so you are aware. [/quote]

OMG, whoever wrote the top above post is living the nightmare that is my life with two kids and manchild booksmart, educated husband. I am waiting for a terrible disaster to strike like when he didn't drain the toddler's bathtub and she walked back into it hours later. He can't remember jack - not before doing it, while doing it, or checkign after doing it. It's horrible. He needs a simple simple life of just himself.

This is at a MINIMUM ADHD inattentive. then layer on lazy, stupid, lack of common sense, misogynist, etc. [/quote]

You pick him, had the wedding, spend most likely his money and the kids. Maybe it’s not him but you. I know let’s just say that the disaster that is your life is your fault and not because of a misogynist. God you sound like a drug addicted. [/quote]

There we go. Stage 2 of ADHD Inattentive: Blame others for your mistakes, Get angry at person who pointed out your shortcomings.

Then sit back and let them fix all your mistakes. Every. Single. Day. Until they get sick of you, sick of going backwards all the time, sick of your constant excuses, sick of your constant unreliability and serve you divorce papers.

You both will be better off. ADHD boy can't handled a life of multi-tasking and any Wife can't suffer through Manchild setbacks for decades and decades. Plus kids won't see all the forgetting and arguing and [b]Space Cadet Dad ignoring them.[/b] Win/win/win. [/quote]

Walking around eggshells over his defensiveness was bad. Trust me, many of us learned early on that it does no good to dwell on mishaps.

Likely ADHD runs in the family. In XDH’s case, the ADHD mom was overwhelmed and never taught things like work ethic. XDH never learned to parent from his parents

The worst, though, was the kids thinking XDH with ADHD didn’t care about them. Seriously, DS has volunteered (because I try not to drag the kids into it) that he regrets not having a male role model and that he thinks his pushover dad simply didn’t care enough to parent him. I end up trying to reframe this stuff all the time. I’m not sure that a shared custody arrangement would have made this easier, though, in fact parenting teens in a shared custody arrangement could have been even harder. We gave teen DS a choice and he chose to live with me, so that problem went away for me.[/quote]

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