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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, OP here-

I will clear up some things. The wedding date was already set by the time we announced the pregnancy. My wife is the primary caregiver but I definitely contribute and coparent when I’m home in the evenings and on the weekends. I may not know exactly as much as she does with regard to parenting our son, [b]but I’d imagine it’s pretty close[/b]. Other than ceremony and pictures, I will be free to support my wife in any way that she requires.

The issue with taking our toddler by myself- she doesn’t want me to! When I say she doesn’t like my parents, I mean it. I am not “allowed” to take my children around my parents without her present. She doesn’t trust them/they have had a tense and hostile relationship in the past. My wife plans to have her mother travel to our home and stay with her while I’m away for the weekend, so her mother can look after the toddler.

Look guys, I appreciate the feedback. I can see that most of you feel like I should be more sympathetic and supportive to my wife’s needs/wishes. If she has something unexpected happen to her or the baby during childbirth or after, of course I wouldn’t expect her to attend. I’m speaking strictly in the sense of assuming everything goes as expected, I think she should be willing to do this for me. And for my brother/his fiancé, with whom she has a great relationship. When we first discussed attending, she mentioned perhaps having her mother watch our toddler the whole weekend and she attends with just the newborn. I can live with this as well, but now she is no longer interested in that solution. (Her mother lives same city as my parents and is a one hour drive from the wedding location. So if her mother watched our toddler during wedding weekend, my parents could still visit with him in the days following the wedding.)

The wedding is the weekend before Christmas. So if we travel back for the wedding, we will stay through Christmas and visit all of my extended family who will be in town for the wedding, and especially my parents. I believe this is a situation she is trying to avoid.[/quote]

Of course you would imagine that. You have zero idea and you’re totally delusional.

And now as an afterthought, a wedding changed into a week+ long trip staying somewhere with people she doesn’t like over Christmas with her newborn and her toddler.

Speechless.[/quote]

NP here. I am a SAHM and my DH was totally capable with both of our kids, instantly. Other than not having boobs, he could do anything I could do.[/quote]

What does that have to do with anything? I'm the PP you're responding to. I'm also a SAHM and my DH is capable with the kids. He even did all the washing up of pumping parts when I had to pump with one of my kids, and slept with our newborns on his chest in another room and just brought them to me to feed during the early weeks because it's the only way I could get any decent rest.

I'd bet my house that OP isn't one of "the good ones" like our DHs. How do I know? Because no decent father or husband would ever suggest that his wife take a newborn and a barely (or not quite?) 2 year old on a plane for a trip somewhere (i.e. "germ city" plus "not able to take much stuff") with people who he knows that she doesn't feel will support her for whatever reason, and he acknowledges that he won't be available to help at least some of the time, and she doesn't want to go and he's insisting on it. And then he throws in as an afterthought that they may as well just stay a week there while they're there, and over Christmas to boot.

So she'd also miss out on Christmas with her own mom (the mom who kindly offered to step in and take OP's place for the weekend so he could go off and party with his family.) And on that trip, OP will be catching up with all his extended family members (and we know that's what he's going to be doing, since this guy is clearly all "me me me") while his wife is struggling with toddler routines in a different place and feeding a toddler in a strange place/kitchen with people she doesn't like who are focussed on having parties and celebrating rather than catering to a toddler who just had his world tipped upside down, plus struggling to produce milk for a newborn under an incredible amount of stress. Many fathers take paternity leave up to 6 weeks (mine did much longer) if they can swing it, because it can be very difficult having a newborn in the mix when you already have another child, and most fathers want to support their wives and babies as much as they can. So at 6 weeks, things are generally considered still quite rough and people give the mom (and dad, if he's on the same team) as much support as they can. OP is just "me me me" and wanting to party.

Women don't even go to their postpartum checkup until 6 weeks after delivery. Why is that? Oh, that's right. Because most women's bodies are still healing up until then!

I doubt that any doctor would think this trip is a good idea for mom or the newborn, and probably not even the toddler under the circumstances.[/quote]

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