Reply to MIL mad that we want to host Thanksgiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what does everyone else say?  Are you sure the BIL, cousin, Aunt/Uncle will be coming to your house?  It sounds like your MIL is assuming they will come to her?  [/quote]

OP here. Thank you, this is a good point. Everyone else is excited for a change, especially because all the cousins always have tons of fun at our house, which is open/kid-friendly and has more sleeping space for overnight guests. We all make it work at MIL's house, but we have more room for people to sleep comfortably, and the kids like playing basketball in our driveway, playing with the wii, etc. This is a closer/more convenient trip for the single cousin, nearly equidistant for everyone else.[/quote]

What did MIL/FIL, BIL and DH do when they were growing up?  Did MIL have to schlep to her in laws every other Thanksgiving and only recently has she been able to be the host?  If you have been together for 7 years, that means 3-4 Thanksgivings with MIL at her house.  Maybe she thought “her turn” would be more than that and thought she was creating a tradition for her grandchildren.

Just trying to see MIL perspective as to why she is digging in her heals. I am in the camp that it is fun to host holidays like Thanksgiving, but I am wondering if DH and I will be the skipped generation that rarely hosts because we had to schlep back and forth between my parents and DH’s parents, only hosting occasionally and when our boys have their own families we will have to go to them (they are 19 and 21).  Now both of our parents are gone, but we still have to schlep to others for holidays because of other mitigating factors.  I will not be mad and we will go wherever our children are as long as we can, but I will be a tad sad.

I think planning this well in advance is the way to go.  MIL may need more time to adjust and eventually acquiesce (but maybe with a little more resistance).

[/quote]

OP here. I mentioned this pages ago, but I get that it may have gotten lost, and not everyone wants to read so many pages! DH says that there was a mix of hosting. Sometimes his maternal grandma/granddad hosted, and sometimes other adult family members hosted, and sometimes MIL hosted. This was true for all holidays, and the majority of holidays were spent only with MIL's side of DH's family, as with the FIL's side, it's complicated. So maybe that's part of it---she is used to having ALL holidays, and feels that "allowing" us to be with my family for half of holidays is a sacrifice. But DH and I don't see it that way at all. We see it as the only reasonable way to celebrate holidays with our two, close-knit families on both "sides."

Look, if I was the only one in the whole scenario who didn't want to just always be at her house, always, that would be one thing. But that's not true. We love to cook and host, my BIL and SIL love to cook and host, and we want to not always have to travel and always be the guests.

We also are willing to have her host some of the time, still. But  after seven years with only one holiday (an Easter) that we've hosted, and no holidays that BIL/SIL have hosted, how is it not time to mix it up? We've done our best to give ample notice and make it clear that her friends are invited, and we do understand if she and any of DH's family choose to go to her house, instead. I guess you can't win for losing, because giving ample time has been translated here as a power play, which it wasn't intended to be on our parts.[/quote]

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