Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Your post strikes a chord with me because I was just thinking this morning about how lucky I am to have ended up married to my wife.  I had to ask her out 3 times before we actually went out on our first date.  The first time, she gave me a "sure sounds great, maybe some other time" response, and the second time she said yes but then canceled a couple days later.  After the send failed attempt, I assumed she was telling me no.  But both male and female friends encouraged me to try again.  To this day, I joke that she was trying to give me the brush off, and she insists she had legitimate conflicts.

Do you think I was harassing my wife?  Should I have waited for her to ask me out on a date?  Is my whole marriage a sham of the patriarchy?

[b]I think you have an unrealistic view of how people communicate.[/b]  You seem to believe that either (1) women are always crystal clear in understanding male intentions and in the messages they are sending, or (2) men are always crystal clear in understanding female intentions and in the messages they are hearing.  I think most people are very poor at understanding each other and at making themselves understood.

If you really don't want to be asked out, then why wouldn't you say "No, I'm not interested in anything romantic with you"?  No absolutely means no, but "sure sounds like fun, maybe some other time" doesn't always mean no.[/quote]

Dude, she said yes on the second try, by the third you were just rescheduling - so that's different than a guy repeatedly asking someone out who doesn't commit.

I think the guys who said to me on the job site yesterday were very clear: "Oh, I had a pleasure working with such pretty ladies today." Or, when I got into a part of the site that was physically small, "You really fit well in there." And, on.

I was NOT clear because I didn't say what I wanted to: "Uh, have you been buried under a rock? It's not cool to say that to women!" They were doing us a favor and I don't want to ruin work relations. I'm also just tired; I'm middle aged and these interactions go back decades. It's not my job to explain to men that I enjoyed working with them until they made that stupid, ignorant, unnecessary comment. Why couldn't they have said, "thanks for making my job easier" or "it looks great" or "I can see how much time and creativity you put into this project" -- really!

Also, in my 20s and 30s men often tried to pick me up in a coffee shop (and I'm average attractiveness) and it is tiring. So often, men don't take the hint that I wasn't interested and that's likely what the woman was complaining about.

Yes, should women be more direct? Then, we are bitches and men get angry. It's been a no-win.

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