Reply to My boys don't want me to get remarried

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because everything will have to be approved by the new husband and he won't want his family life to revolve around an alcoholic ex.  He's going to push her to be more separate and leave the boys to deal on their own.  He migh be nice about it when they are still young, but in the long run, they will have to be on their own, doing all the things a spouse would do.  [/quote]

You are making a lot of assumptions here. The boys are 12 and 17 - they are not toddlers who need their mom to navigate things for them 100%. She is already "separate" from her ex. She picks up her kids when they ask to be picked up. What exactly are "all the things a spouse would do" in this situation?

I do not know where you get the idea that "everything will have to be approved by the new husband" and I also don't know where you get such deep insights into what he will and won't want his family life to look like.

I am remarried. My husband understands that my ex and I parent the daughter we have together together. My ex is also remarried. His wife also understands this. They make decisions about what happens in their home together. My husband and I make decisions about what happens in our home together. The only time when we all make decisions together involve things like planning vacations with DD ("Hey, H and I want to take DD to Florida over winter break. When are you guys planning to get back from your Christmas stuff?") or situations that involve larger decisions, like when first her dad and then I moved from one school district to another and DD had to change schools.

OP, I think you should be having ongoing conversations with your fiance about what your married life with him will look like. I think that probably, your boys are most concerned with how their lives will change. So think about that. Then think about how things would change if you DIDN'T remarry. Would you keep their rooms set up for them? How long will you do that? If your oldest finishes college and wants to move back home, what expectations will you have of him in that situation? Will you expect them to come home to you for all holidays? How will you balance spending time with your husband's extended family during holiday times? How will those people consider your sons? [/quote]

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