Reply to Rant re DH's family

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Rant re DH's family"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would anyone celebrate another person's anniversary?!?

Many people don't even celebrate their own, for various reasons. [/quote]

I meant they don't send cards or even wish you a happy anniversary. I find that pretty bizzarre. [/quote]

Do you not get that any anniversary might be painful after someone loses their spouse?  And if ADHD runs in the family, it just might be be that it's too hard for them to keep up with every family event.  Even something that sounds simple like sending a card is a multi-step process that requires organizational skills.  Try to understand them without jumping to the conclusion that it's personal.  Do you personalize every single thing your SN child does incorrectly as a personal affront? [/quote]

Since FIL remarried fairly quickly I doubt it.

And no, of course I don't personalize everything. The point I keep trying to.make is I can't seem to get over the slights from these people, real or imagined. I really don't know why. I want to get over them, I just can't. I am perfectly capable of acting like a rational adult when it comes to everyone else.

[/quote]

You keep saying you want to get past this, but you are defending your behavior when people point out where the problems lie.  So the answer is to stop being so defensive.  Entertain the possibility that you could've been mistaken.  Give your ILs the benefit of the doubt.  Look for other reasons than "wanting to insult my DIL/SIL" to explain what has happened.  Stop allowing yourself to wallow in self pity, although that pool is pretty deep after 20 years.

You were expecting a *father*-in-law to send you greeting cards?  And that's after he lost his wife, who was probably the one who kept up the social niceties?  Some men just don't do things like that.  Haven't you read any of the posts here and on the relationship thread around every special occasion where men don't do anything for even their own wife or mother on their birthday, anniversary, Christmas or Mother's Day?

And you can't see how paying for college for multiple children all at the same time could stress a person's finances to the breaking point or beyond, where there just isn't any more to give?  And a new wife may not have been willing to chip in for college for the children who aren't hers.

It also matters whether your DH is the only son.  Some parents feel very strongly that a son has to learn how to stand on his own two feet, especially if this was 20+ years ago.

I think you have unrealistic expectations.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics