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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I get where you're coming from because I, too, am an immigrant who has problems saying no and from a culture that is tight knit/has boundary issues. That said, you really do have to take responsibility for your decision to marry your DH, not stand up to his parents back then, and pay his loans. I'm sure your immigrant parents weren't thrilled you were marrying someone dumber that you had to support, but it sounds like you were able to stand up to your family. Why didn't you stand up to DH's? Let things go and be nicer to the newer members of the family. You can hate your mil/fil (who doesn't?) but you shouldn't hate on potentially awesome family.[/quote]

No, they weren't thrilled. But in the end we all love each other and can work through things.

[b]His family has never shown me affection[/b] (for example, they told my husband on our first anniversary to tell me that they don't celebrate anniversaries). Our interactions always felt like an imposition.[/quote]

They don't???  Shocking.

Just for personal reference, but why would anyone WANT to show affection towards a bitter, judgemental, sanctimonious, ice queen, who has a 10 foot wall of resentful, grudge filled baggage around her?

Boy, she sounds like a party...

I'm sure your overall vibe & body language towards them is inherently warm, inviting & NON stand off-ish, so it's anyone's guess as to why they've never shown you affection?

Uh, have you ever tried hugging a cactus, OP?  
It's not recommended.

I imagine the same can be said of you.[/quote]

Oh stop! So much exaggeration here. That said, OP, seriously why did you marry this guy? I know it's too late to take back your marriage now, but you were academically more qualified than him and his family sounds, though not necessarily like bad people, overbearing and obnoxious. Didn't you know about it before? It's like you set them all up to fail. It's good you are in therapy. For your sanity, you should probably cut down on visiting them and when you do visit, communicate what you want and set boundaries in a firm but friendly way.[/quote]

Are you kidding me?
I'm not the PP, but they definitely didn't exaggerate.
It's absolutely mind boggling that the OP makes statements as ridiculous as "his family has never shown me affection", yet she's completely clueless as to why that would be.

She's so stand off-ish & bitter... is that someone who's easily approachable?  I wouldn't even want to say hi, let alone show her affection.

And I agree with the pp, the OP only sees things from HER perspective (she's has textbook only child syndrome).
The OP complains that they've never been affectionate towards her... has she been affectionate towards them?
Does she give off the vibe that she wants affection from these people?  They're not mind readers you know... if you consistently behave in a manner that's off putting & stand off-ish to them, why would you expect affection?

That just seems like such a weird thing to say.

Here she is going on & on for 11 pages saying how bitter, resentful & angry she's been for the past 15 years & yet, she wonders why they haven't been affectionate towards her?

How can she possibly be that clueless?

They may not be mind readers, but they can surely read her body language & I 100% agree with the hugging a cactus reference to giving her & her gigantic wall of bitterness & resentment built around her.[/quote]

Well, it didn't start out that way. I am actually a very affectionate person. But getting? enough things thrown in your face will make an ice queen of just about anyone m[/quote]

Wait, what??

You yourself said that they haven't done anything to you in 15 years, how are they throwing things in your face?

You said the spouses and children are clueless to what happened 15 years ago... that doesn't exactly sound like anyone is throwing anything in your face, or they would've picked up on it / heard them doing it.

Honestly OP,  it sounds like the only person that's been throwing this up in your face for the past 15 years is YOU.  :roll: 
[/quote]

DH and I married early. Others married late. By the time the next spouse came into the family DH and I have been together for over a decade and the patterns were set. But everyone had kids around the same time, so the cousins are close in age.[/quote]

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