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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not sure this can ever be put right and frankly I am not even sure I want to put it right but I just need to vent...

My husband is the oldest of a few siblings. We got together fairly young (in college) while his family was going through some serious issues (illness and eventual death of one parent, financial problems and the like).  His family (at least at that time) was not close, the siblings barely spoke to each other (which I found shocking) etc.  I tried to do the best I can to support him and we sort of got through it, but I thought his family treated him badly (he had to drop out of college for a few years because his parents refused to pay his tuition (he couldn't get financial aid because the family looked well-off on paper) although they paid for his siblings.  I always did better academically than him and knew I would be the main breadwinner, which at the time was a non-issue for me.  
  
I also happen to be an immigrant and I come from the culture that very strongly believe that parents are responsible for their children's education and helping them get on their feet.  Instead, the minute I left school and started working, his remaining parent started calling me telling me how I was responsible for my husband's (fairly substantial) student loans.  I did eventually pay for my husband to get a masters and paid off his student loans as well as mine (my family helped some, but they were immigrants and it took them a while go get on their feet in this country). Rationally or not, I feel like his family took advantage of me while I should have been getting on my feet.\ I also (whether rationally or not) have always believed that my husband's family always treated him worse than his other siblings.

Fast forward 20 years.  We have a child with farily severe SNs so I can't work as hard and earn as much money as I could have.  His siblings married late and their respective spouses have not been around for all the turmoil DHs family went through.  Now DHs family wants to have get-togethers and generally act like a family...but frankly I want nothing to do with it.  I can't get over them trying to take advantage of an immigrant kid.  I can't get over DH being treated badly.  I don't understand why they now suddenly want to be a family when for so many years they weren't.  His siblings' spouses think I am unfriendly and don't want to contribute, but frankly they weren't around for all the bad stuff.

I have tried therapy, but it didn't help.  I just want nothing to do with these people.  I am perfectly fine with DH and the kids spending time with them, but my kids wonder why I am always so unhappy at Christmas and other family get togethers that they have - frankly, I wish I could tell the kids that I am only there so they don't ask why I don't go, but that doesn't seem like the right thing to do either.

I know this is rambly and incoherent, but the whole situation just keeps making me angry.  I know the right approach is to probably let bygones be bygones...but I just can't do that.  Thanks for listening.[/quote]

Let your DH decide how he interacts with his family, you follow his lead.  If he can get past it then you should be able to as well.  Stop being a problem for your family.[/quote]

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