Reply to what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?

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Reply to "what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
IMO a woman who finds out her husband fathered another child is in a pickle. But in the Thai scenario, assuming the Thai mother completely released any claim to the child, man and wife had two choices. Put the child up for adoption or take it in. Assuming they could handpick a good family that would be much better for the wife than taking the child in.

Assuming the Thai mother wanted contact with the child it becomes send child support to Thailand knowing the child is being cared for and looking the other way when the husband goes and visits or taking the child in.

In both of these scenarios taking the child in and staying in the marriage feels like the most difficult choice. So while I'm not going to say your theory is implausible, it is in my opinion less likely. Regardless, it takes strength and a good person to take the child in and commit to treating it with love and care. Your desire to strip this woman you don't know of any praise for her good act is kind of bizarre. [/quote]

That's a ton of assumptions you made to support your argument (and remember, this all is just idle theorizing, no one really knows what went down).

1) That the Thai mother released the claims to the child without being asked. She may have very well been asked by the father to waive her rights.  Then the adoption option goes away, and it's not like you can handpick a good family for the child that isn't even yours.

2)  That the husband would have sent child support and gone to visit.

Perhaps the wife reasoned - so my husband is a weak, irresponsible man but he's a father of my child and I invested years of my life and economic assets into this partnership, and it would be painful to dissolve plus there are few chances for a do-over.  Now he has this mistress and a baby that he appears to be interested in.  Suppose I make him leave them and go back to the US. He will always wonder about them, perhaps send money secretly, talk to them behind my back, entertain romantic fantasies about what could have been, be wrecked by guilt and whatnot.  They will always be a pebble in my shoe, a time bomb, because the child will grow up and who knows what they will think of then.    How do I neutralize this threat?  Much better, although clearly one out of two shitty options, is to keep this closer to home and under my control.  If the mother agrees, let's get the baby, get the mother out of the picture, since it's the mother who is a real threat and not a baby.  The baby will grow up in our house.  I will be its mother, for all practical purposes. There is no need to wonder about what if, open yourself up for guilt, or be reproached that "you made me abandon my babeeeeee!"  The mother is out of our life forever.  The child is right here.  It sucks in its own way but at least it's under control.  And no money is going out of the house that I don't know about.   The baby is cute, I can learn to love it with time. [/quote]

My uncle's wife found out that he had fathered a child through an affair, and she took his daughter in. She was already around 8 when his wife found out. This is in a different country, and my uncle and his wife were already raising other relatives along with 3 biological children(one of my aunts had died and they had taken in 2 of her children; they also raised his wife's younger sister).

When my family thanked her for being so kind, she responded that it was not a big deal. She added that if she could do it for nieces and nephew, why not for her husband's daughter?
The other woman was much poorer and not educated, and my uncle's wife felt that the child will have a better chance at a good education and life if she grew up in a stable home.

I can comfortably say that she did this for the girl. There was no way my uncle was leaving his wife to be with the other woman. He did not suggest that his wife take in his child. He hid the child from her and immediately she found out about it, she asked for the child to come live with her. The child's mother agreed.[/quote]

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