Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?[/quote]

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.[/quote]

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.[/quote]

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.[/quote]

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this. [/quote]

DP.  My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.[/quote]

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids. [/quote]

You take yourself way too seriously. [/quote]

Another DP.  I'm one of those moms with a flexible and largely WFH job.  Why have my fellow moms in this category been so particularly insufferable on this thread?!?!

I think it's because we know that in a way we have given up the most...on the career side we took less money, prestige, advancement, best projects, etc. to get our flexible job.  And on the parenting side, we still don't have the kind of autonomy over our schedule and household that SAHMs do and we still need to use appreciable chunks of paid childcare.  I guess that explains the defensiveness.

I like the balance I've personally achieved and I'm content with the amount of time I spend with my kids and on career, etc.  But I'm not obnoxiously in denial about the trade offs and sacrifices.  And I'm not out here counting napping minutes and household chore minutes or whatever else trying to convince myself I spend as much so-called "quality" time with my kids as a SAHM who doesn't have 30 hours of paid work to do in a week a like I do.  Those folks need to stop.[/quote]

I actually see it 100% differently than you.

I did not give up a more prestigious job. I did not give up autonomy over schedule. I did not give up money.

I actually did all of that because it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted a fun flexible job and a H who was 100% involved in every facet of the child rearing.

It wasn't a sacrifice it was a plan. We both wanted to be fully engaged with the child, both together and alone, we felt it was in the best interest of the child and so they were fully bonded with both of us.

There was never a plan or a need or a want to be there 24x7 with a dad who is rarely home some "presetigous" job and more money than we needed. Nothing was given up or sacrificed, it was all part of the plan.[/quote]

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