Reply to New boyfriend, has a child he never sees.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Guy perspective here: Mother runs off to another state and takes his child with her. He has no control over this, but he does the right thing and pays child support. Mother establishes new life and child is in stable situation. He doesn't want to interfere with that.

I can see the logic in that, especially from a guy who hasn't raised a child yet. Once you do (as most of us here have), it seems unfathomable, but I totally could understand that logic before I had children. [b]It's difficult for men to bond with a baby in the first year anyway (I know from experience)[/b], so he may not have had much opportunity to develop a bond with the baby before his girlfriend moved her away.[/quote]

There are so many things wrong with this narrative that I don't even know where to start. 
1) Mother 'ran' off to another state? We know nothing about the circumstances of her decision to move, nor about the discussions or negotiations she had with him prior to moving.
2) 'he has no control over this' - not true, if he had wanted the child to remain in the state he/she was born in, he would have had a good shot at this. Especially if he had been an involved parent exercising custody from the get-go
3) 'he does the right thing and pays child support' - we don't know if he did it willingly or not (and as many have pointed out, it's unlikely he's paying the amount he claims to be paying); also - the right thing is also to be an active and involved father beyond fulfilling his financial obligation
4) 'He doesn't want to interfere with that' - in no way is a father 'interfering' by pursuing an active relationship with his child. This is just BS.[/quote]

5) "It's difficult for men to bond with a baby in the first year anyway (I know from experience)"...  No.  Maybe it was difficult for *you* to bond with your child together during the first year.  My husband, and many others I know, totally bonded with babies the first year.  My husband loves infants/toddlers in general and adored our child, pretty much instantly, and spent more time as primary caregiver than me, actually (he has a more flexible work schedule).  It would've wrecked him if he couldn't see her anymore after two years.  I can't imagine most of the first-time dads I know simply ceasing to have a relationship after the first two years because the mom decides to move away.[/quote]

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