Reply to Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, I'm a woman and [b]I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage[/b]. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but [b]I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection[/b].

I guess that makes me a monster, too.[/quote]

If your H has cancer and is fighting for his life and puking in a bucket and can't get enough energy to care for his children and all you want is for him to put out a couple times a week... I guess you are. [/quote]

Perhaps you can point out for me where in my post I said that I expect sex a couple of times per week under all circumstances, even when he is going through a possibly terminal health issue.

Projecting much?[/quote]

Bolded it for you.[/quote]

You bolded a statement, but not one that said I would expect it if my husband was dying. You are projecting beyond belief. Anyone with even a shred of common sense knows that there are many exceptions.[/quote]

and anybody with a shred of common sense knows that many people have issues... exhaustion, a baby was just born, anxiety, depression, disabilities, etc. There are many issues that get in the way of sex. Cancer is one.

You did not say, I expect sex... except when you have a good reason to not have sex. that is a normal marriage. It's the entitled spouses that are the issue. That is what this thread is about. Why do people feel entitled to sex when their spouses have good reason why they don't want to or can't have sex as much as the spouse wants, why do they feel entitled to sex as often as they want and the other spouse can't be entitled to have sex as little as they want. [/quote]

The issue becomes clouded over what " a good reason" is. Validly, a good reason is actually that one person just doesn't want to. But where does that leave the other spouse?

The kicker to me is that people who are actually experiencing hurdles to physical intimacy are the ones working the hardest to maintain it. I used to work in sexual health, and had many clients with chronic illeness and disabilities that made sex (specifically intercourse) difficult if not impossible. Many of these folks and couples found other ways to keep their relationships physically quite tittilating. The difference is in a lot of these "normal" marriages, the intimacy just stops, along with most physical contact AT ALL, Only for the actual reason that one partner does not want sex. [/quote]

I think many people are experiencing "hurdles to physical intimacy" in "normal" marriages and they don't realize it.

A poster last week said "I don't like to be touched".... which of course leads to less sex, then a poster said, "were you abused" and the answer was yes, so this person has not equated childhood sexual abuse to lack of intimacy and sex.

Most men that were abused don't get treatment and believe they "have it under control"... many women also.

Don't you think that many people in "normal" marriages have not figured out why they want less sex?

Also, "a good reason" might be "I don't want to" because they had sex this week and that is enough for that person. But the husband often cries foul because they had sex twice a week when dating and it becomes a bean counting exercise, which builds resentment, which kills intimacy.

Emotional issues lead to less sex not just physical ones like cancer, but the spouse is like... okay, go fix that and are not working with their spouse to "figure it out". So they get on SSRI's which .... make climaxing hard, which leads to less sex.

Also many men have the erroneous assertion that sex is the way they build intimacy... not being a good kind loving partner, just sex plain and simple. They have no clue how to build intimacy and then wonder why they don't get any sex.

Their entitlement builds resentment, kills intimacy, which leads to less sex.

Men feel entitled to sex, they don't care what is standing in the way (cancer/depression/childhood abuse/raped in college/anxiety/overwhelmed with kids), they want sex, exactly the same and as often as when they were dating... no excuses... they accuse their mate of the bait and switch. It's entitlement. [/quote]

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