Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, a few things about teenagers:

They are independently mobile.  They will come and go as they please.  If their father's house really is THEIR HOME TOO, they will not and should not need permission to come over or be expected to call first.  Would you expect that of your own child?  So you will have teenagers coming and going (with their friends) at will and have no control over it.  Noise, mess, and eating everything that's not nailed down.

They might want to live with their dad full-time.  If he doesn't allow this, there will be hell to pay or he may lose the relationship entirely.

They are incredibly expensive.  What is the college savings situation?  Does your boyfriend fully understand his financial obligations?

Teenage boys (and tweens) smell terrible.  I mean it.  Even if they shower a lot.  I don't know why, but that's how it is, and it's unbearable.[/quote]

Their father's house is also his wife's house and anyone NOT living in the home needs to call first. They may be entertaining or having friends or family from out of town.  Seriously no control....ha...nope not going to happen if they don't live there and yes they need to call first if they are coming for dinner or staying overnight. If they want to change the living arrangements that would be up to DH and DW.   As for college, there are loans and scholarships too.[/quote]

I do really have to laugh at how some posters elevate the kids of divorce and the ex wives to demigods. "They and their friends can come in and through your house WHENEVER and you can do NOTHING about it." "You have to do what the ex wife says, so you better be nice, especially because she could keep her kids from your wedding." Come now. The stepparents must do what they can to foster a healthy relationship with the kids, but second wives are not second class citizens in their own homes, nor are they subservient to ex-wives. The kids need to ask can friends come over same as they would if their mom and dad were still married and living in one home. Some of these posts are just nuts. Maybe I should call my husband's ex wife and ask am I allowed to go on family vacation this year or would her highness prefer it just to be DSS and his dad so I should just stay home? I'll defer to her whims, of course.[/quote]

Bahaha! I agree the ex wife on here is beyond belief..very sad actually.  Once those kids are grown her kid card won't be able to be played and she will be sol!  I suspect it's because she hasn't been able to control her ex and he is happy as a clam.  No doubt her kids live with her, because even with 50/50 there's one physical household so yes the kids have a primary.

Our ex was like her, threatened to have her teen live with us.  We would just laugh because we lived in MY house and rented his out.  No one in our household would have wanted a custody change so wasn't going to happen regardless. Often the disgruntled ex created the monster kids and when their in their teens they want to unload them. [/quote]

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