Reply to Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, and just want to say thank you to all the late posting folks here who seem to get the issue and also had some great suggestions.

Because there seems to be sooo much debate about whether or not I'm "ok without sex" - let me clarify: I am a pretty sexual and even slightly kinky person with a colorful history.  No, I am not OK with a lifetime of that.  I am OK with 18-24 months of it.  Yes, my DW does know that I'm a much more sexual person than she ever was or likely will be.

I think the posters who suggest that she doesn't believe me when I tell her it's OK and that there's no cheating are probably right. I will look into the "love languages" thing.

While the dynamic isn't quite as harsh as the poster [b]@5:16 puts it, that's not too terribly far off the mark[/b].  Sadly, the issue isn't just a too-recent-release...I've tried a period of no-fap to address this with no real benefit.

As another poster suggested, this isn't the only source of stress she's facing - she does work, but is facing some career challenges right now.

I don't really want to give more details because we might actually become recognizable to someone.

Anyway...I do appreciate the [i]constructive[/i] criticism and feedback.[/quote]

I am your 5:16 poster - some suggestions on the transient ED and how to get things going again (BTDT):  Scheduling sex is also good for men because it lets you rev your engine.  Just as women need time to get in the mood (think how they say choreplay and let your wife have a bath with wine and an erotic novel).  So do men, under some circumstances, especially when they aren't particularly attracted to their wives (do to wife's physical appearance, or her lack of enthusiasm).  So if you pick Saturday night, you can also pick times early in the morning to fantasize, or later to watch porn on your phone or do whatever you need to do to get revved up.  Then, bring that level of "OMG I am going to burst if I can't have sex now" to the bedroom.  That is how your wife wants to see you, it will make her feel better, she is more likely to respond, creating a positive feedback loop.

Also, cardio.  Getting the blood circulating helped achieve better and more reliable erections.  But your problem is more psychological than physical, I assume.

Finally, and this worked with my wife's libido - a little bit of her jealousy can get her competitive juices going.  Let her see you as desirable to others.  Shrug it off if she isn't in the mood - her loss.  Then make sure you bring your A game when you bring it and stop checking in with her if she is enjoying herself.  She is enjoying giving you pleasure.

Good luck, and if you do end up straying, don't do it with someone at your work.

[/quote]

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