Reply to I'm ashamed of my husband.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. I haven't read the rest of the replies yet. I just wanted to share my perspective on this because I can kind of relate.

For some reason, after I got married (but not before) I started feeling kind of like you do about my husband's appearance. (I didn't feel that way before marriage). I think it was kind of an "oh, fuck, I really just gave up the possibility of going on dates with a well-dressed guy forever didn't I?" feeling.

So for several months in our first year of marriage, I felt a lot like you do. I stared at every unappealing thing I could find: The fact that his shirts always look too long in the arms, the fact that sometimes his shaggy hair can start looking little-boy like, his not perfect posture, his short answers when people ask him questions. I was driving myself crazy.

Then, I decided I had to stop paying attention to these things. And once I stopped allowing myself to dwell on these stupid things, I stopped noticing them. It worked for me, so you might consider giving it a try.

My experience lead me to realize that other people weren't seeing my husband the way I was seeing him when I was hyper-focusing on his appearance and presentation in front of others. They were seeing him the way I saw him before I married him - in a more wholistic way.

I am willing to bet it's similar for yours as well. I hope that helps, and good luck. [/quote]

I think this is exactly the source of the OPs problem.  She thought marriage would give her the ability to shape him and that's turned out not to be the case.

The question now is why not let him go and get the husband you want, OP?  I think [b]the answer is that what you want is likely just as shallow - and doesn't want you.[/b][/quote]

The harsh truth.[/quote]

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