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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a DW here who has had periods of ho-hum sex with my DH, periods of no-sex, and periods of hot crazy sex when I was desperate to do him (even after 10+ years of marriage).

What I think happens in marriage is partly boredom, but also partly that people stop taking risks in terms of revealing themselves. You can go meet some random guy for a one night stand and do whatever the hell you want or say whatever you want, because you'll never see him again. But your DH will be there forever and ever (hopefully) and although it seems like that would make it possible to be more revealing I think the truth is the opposite. It is scary to be truly revealing because what if you are rejected. And the truly revealing stuff is what is sexy.

OP, are you doing much self-revealing in sex? Would you ever tell your spouse one of your fantasies? Are you personally comfortable really "letting go" during sex and acting in ways that are intense and perhaps even potentially embarrassing? If not, then you can't really expect your spouse to act this way.

The other night DH and I were in bed, he wanted to do it and I wasn't so into it, but then he told me a tiny little fantasy he had that day and suddenly I was so turned on by (1) this peek into his private secret life and (2) the fact that he would take the risk of sharing that with me. Suddenly I wanted to do him. If you aren't taking real emotional risks, your spouse won't either. And that leads to a ho-hum sex life.

Also, do you really make sure your spouse has an orgasm with sex? Would you ever just devote the whole sex session to making sure your spouse has an orgasm? Start with a long massage, long session of oral sex, use a vibrator on her, whatever....? It is amazing how many guys simply do not know if a woman has had an orgasm. If you spouse has repeatedly had orgasm-free sex with you, that builds up resentment and a definite lack of enthusiasm. How would you feel if a woman kept wanting to have sex with you but you never got to come? It's potentially a very big issue. 
[/quote]

OP here.  Sorry to disappoint all of you who jumped on the "he must suck in bed" bandwagon.   I give her an O every time.  Easily.  I know her body very well.  That is not an issue with us at all.  As for the fantasy sharing suggestion, she is the one afraid to share that part of her self.  I've tried it.  No dice.  [/quote]

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