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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So how does my DH keep me willing to have sex as much as he does?

1) He is very affectionate, even when there is no sex in his future. He is always hugging me, kissing when greeting or leaving, snuggling with me on the couch, holding my hand in public. We went many, many months without sex due to some things that were going on in our lives. His affection did not change at all.

2) He makes me feel like the sexiest woman in the world. Even after gaining 20+lbs. He tells me I'm beautiful and how lucky he is to have me. When I change clothes, he stops to stare at me and even grabs a boob. (Even when there is no sex in sight.)

3) He does a majority of the housework. He likes a cleaner house than me, so he does more of the work. But because of that, my sexual energy isn't being drained away by the dirty dishes in the sink.

4) I alway, alway, alway have an orgasm when we have sex (and usually more than one). So even if I'm tired or not in the mood, I can usually muster up the energy to start. Once we get going, I'm totally in the mood. Luckily, now I orgasm easily. So there isn't too much effort on my part and his. But in my younger days, it was very difficult. And the best boyfriend I had made sure that foreplay started hours, if not days ahead of time. Again with no pressure to have sex now. So we would deep kiss in the kitchen for 2 mins while making dinner. Or he would stroke my boobs during commercials on the couch. The key was no pressure to follow through that evening.

5) Now the one area he is lucky is I prefer we talk about sex vs non-verbal seduction. I much prefer a phone call at work telling me that he'd like to have sex tonight. Or a question on Sat morning about when would I like to have sex this weekend?  I think because I don't see sex as a chore or one more thing I 'have to do', I don't mind scheduling it. I think what most women want is to be turned-on on a low level, so that when you do approch them, they want it also. But when you are at a zero, no sexual desire and a mounting to-do list, and sex is brought up--ugh. [/quote]

Congrats on finding a finding a great compromise in your marital sex life.  My DW and I are getting to where you two are, after years of intense struggle with libido differences.

I have to say, and not to rain on your parade (or mine) but to give you the opposite (predominantly male) point of view: [u]this is still mildly depressing[/u] when you compare it to what men [u]think[/u] sex will be like.

Your opening line - how my DH keeps me [u]"willing"[/u] to have sex as much as he does.  It implies, correctly I am sure, that you don't really want to be having that much sex with your husband but because he is so awesome outside of the bedroom, you allow him to have sex with you and you will usually enjoy yourself once it starts.  Again, awesome! [b] But it is so so so different to how men experience and want their partners to experience sex - a primal craving for it, an intense desire [/b]- which is something their girlfriends had or appeared to have for them in the early relationship years that men (in futility) try to recapture and waste hours and hours trying to solve as a problem.

With age and my sex drive leveling off to where I can be happy with sex a couple times a week, we are settling into this happy medium you describe above - and your and my DWs [u]willingness[/u] to have sex and usually enjoy it fuels my appreciation for her and makes my non-sexual affection authentic.

Which brings me back to OP - you are looking for your wife to desire you the way you desire sex.  It isn't going to happen, and will probably never happen for you unless you want to get divorced (and you wouldn't be the first person to get divorced from a decent marriage in search of passion).  Women, by and large in long term relationships just aren't wired that way.  There are some ravenous women out there, and sometimes women hit a ravenous peak at interval ages or a couple days a month.  But given how you have described your wife's libido, I am afraid you are searching in vain for something that is not realistic for her.[/quote]

Right.  But you can't MAKE someone feel a certain way, no matter how much you want it.  Sounds like the PP's husband has accepted that, and the point of her post is that his acceptance has led him to have a better sex life.

If you keep fixating on the fact that your wife does not experience or think of sex in the exact same way you do, [b]then you are invalidating her experience[/b].

Instead of letting that resentment grow, you need to just accept that your wife is different from you.  Obsessing and fixating on it is not going to change anything, and it will just work you into a useless tizzy and alienate your wife from you.

Good luck. [/quote]

[b]By telling him to accept it and move on invalidated HIS experience. It is always amazing how one group or class demands validation of their point of view while denying the validity of another groups point of view. Doing this is a tactic to influence the other group to change while not making any compromises yourself.[/b]  If you want to demand validation you also must give validation.  [/quote]

You've heard the expression, "beggars can't be chooses," yes? That is what is going on here. Typically men are the supplicants in this scenario. Take what you can get and be grateful or initiate divorce proceedings. Then you can have the SAME problem happen to you again in ten years. Lucky you.[/quote]

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