Reply to Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is so gross that you're using a child as a tool to work out your marital problem.

I guarantee you that if the kid isn't OP's, a year from now OP won't have anything to do with him anymore.[/quote]

Whatever pain the child suffers, in this kind of situation, is the fault of the cheating mother.  The duped husband's unwillingness to raise a child not his own is an entirely foreseeable and predictable outcome of her conduct, and it was her choice to create that situation.  I don't think women have any perspective on how much of a violation this is to men and should not be so quick to judge.  [/quote]

Of course the mother has plenty of blame here if she cheated -- I never said she didn't. But whether this child is his or not, OP clearly doesn't love him enough to make him the top priority. He's created this fiction in his head where this will prove his wife cheated but nothing will change with his child, but it's all a lie. He clearly wants to end his marriage but doesn't want to be the bad guy who leaves, so he's hoping to prove she cheated so he can feel justified in ending the marriage and the blame will be on her. He doesn't care that he's using a child to achieve those ends. And then to further the fiction of how perfect and innocent he is, he swears he'll love the child the same and nothing will change, even though he doesn't know it's true. He claims to love his child and want the child to be his, but if that were really true he wouldn't jeopardize it in this way. Not only does he want out of the marriage, but he wants out of fatherhood also, and this will give him the avenue. A year from now it will be all about how painful it was to continue to parent someone else's child, that it was an ongoing reminder of the betrayal, etc. And then he can go on to a carefree bachelor life, which is what he really wants.

But here's the rub, I pretty much every jurisdiction, the court will still deem OP to be the father, and he'll still be on the hook for child support. And the more he absents himself and refuses to share custody/visitation, the more child support he'll owe.[/quote]

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