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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP -- I can relate to your questioning God and any "plan".  My first pregnancy -- child suspected of having a significant heart defect.  Got this info. around week 23-ish.  Hoped for the best, knowing that surgeries would be in order and child would never be a kid who could go to P.E. or run around.  Baby arrived.  Things looked good.  After a week and a half in hospital, she was cleared to go home on a Friday morning.  We got a call on Thurs night to come to the hospital.  She had arrested and died.  The doctors were shocked.  Of course, we were too.

We were regular Catholics at the time (born and bred).  We believed that good comes to good people.  We were told that many people were praying for our child (like international prayer circles).  We actually had her baptized in the nic-u with the godparents on the phone (just in case!).

As you can imagine (especially if you have had failed pregnancies) it felt like a really cruel trick to of fate/God to be like "hey, go through 9 mos of pregnancy build up, and then I'm going to lead you RIGHT TO THE EDGE of your anticipation ... and then I'm going to 'take this child back'".  To me, it was inconceivable that a god would play such a joke on me/us.   It was also inconceivable and against every moral order I had that God would not give this child a chance to have the sun on her face for even one day; for her to never have a quiet night's sleep (it's noisy in the Nic-U)... it just seemed like if God is all about life, then why didn't he answer these prayers and give life to the most deserving of all creatures?

If God couldn't be bothered to help this child, then I can only conclude that God isn't really involved in life on Earth (this ran contrary to all that I had believed previously).

I could live with a God who sort of generally loved humanity and kept a "hands off", but I couldn't live with people telling me "God has a plan" or things like that.  What kind of stupid plan would that be?  Apparently, I'm the fool in that plan!

Ever since then, I've found it really abrasive when I see people thanking god for the last touchdown or thanking god for helping them win a singing competition or the like.  I know I shouldn't be offended, but the idea that god might have helped someone do X when god obviously didn't help my child live and isn't helping the many children who are being hurt or in need of food just doesn't sit right with me.

Fast forward 10+ yrs.... I'm just not into "God" as an actual entity.  For me, God is just the mental connection with have to the world -- it is our highest purpose and best self.  It is just fate.  It is the universe and nature.  We are god.  I'm becoming more agnostic/atheist all the time... and I'm o.k. with that.  It is very comforting to think that the is A PLAN... and that someone is in control of what's happening.... I sometimes wish I could be like that again... but I can't.  There is no big plan.  We just live and do the best we can while we're here.  The end.[/quote]

I have never lost a child but have two family members that have and a couple of close friends. I believe that I cannot begin to know what you went through but they can. What a tragic loss and I wanted to stop and express my condolences. Also want to thank you for sharing your story.

You and I have something in common when it comes to those thanking God as if...I have been able to work it down to a more benign irritation but it still bugs me. I also don't believe we live within the sphere of a plan and I suspect those that do often don't consider what all that means. Your precious daughter's death is an example.

I am a big believer in challenging traditional teaching and never being content to accept certain things as fact. I have to research for myself and continue to be amazed at what I find.[/quote]

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