Reply to Please tell me, 42yo mom of two young kids, the realities of divorce

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Reply to "Please tell me, 42yo mom of two young kids, the realities of divorce"

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[quote=Anonymous]NP here.
I left my marriage because my ex emotionally and physically left me and the kids first.  Physically he was around, but barely.  I tried for years to hold on to our marriage, tried all kinds of therapy, begged him to be more engaged, and he would "come back to us" for a week or two, then it was back to his old habits of falling asleep on the couch instead of coming to bed with me, working late or getting stuck in traffic, not taking any responsibility for the house or the kids or me, or for himself.  He was just gone.  I was super stressed for years, and throw in a job loss or two on his end, and serious financial pressures, and voila, a dead marriage.  I finally screwed up the courage to leave (I had tried to talk to him about my feelings of loneliness, not having a partner, etc. many many MANY times- with and without therapists).  It's been hard, I have three kids, all the time (he's not interested in seeing them), he pays no support, but I am happier because I don't have to live with someone who holds me in contempt. Who sees me as the source of all his problems (his words).  I haven't dated much, and that makes me sad.  I would like a companion to go out to dinner with, but if that's not in the cards, I need to make my peace with it.  I have a job I love, three awesome kids, great friends, and I do my best to keep myself together (holla Botox!).  My friendships have changed, as other posters said.  Some have doubled down and stuck with me, others bailed.  I get it.  I've also made new friends who are experiencing similar issues.

Looking back, he was probably having an affair, but that doesn't bother me.  What bothers me is that he broke our vows, yet wouldn't be honest with me about his desire to get out.  He's unemployed, couch surfing, and generally a mess, but it's his mess now, and that is healthier for me and our kids.

So yes, it's hard.  I'm on my own raising three kids.  But I'm doing it the best way I can, and I don't have a fake marriage to prop up.  Good luck OP.

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