Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

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[quote=Anonymous]NP here; have not read all the replies.

I think, OP, you have blown your shot at the romantic "in love" marriage. (and btw, of course, many "in love" marriages fail, too, so that's not the Holy Grail of marriage) .  I'm not convinced that if you were NEVER in love with him, that you could ever be, in that way.  Falling "in love" is a very primitive thing that I don't think we can control well (other than choosing to not be around off-limits but attractive people)

But now you've made decisions that involve the creation of other human beings, and sounds like except for your own wish to be "in love" you've got a good situation.

It reminds me of arranged marriages.  You really have in all respects a good arranged marriage.  Many of them work, OP, if you get your head into that place.  Put your expectations in that place.

I spoke with someone, years ago, who was in an arranged marriage; he had not even met his wife until the wedding (or just before).  He said he concentrated on himself; how could he be the best husband he could be, regardless of who he married?  And his wife concentrated on how could she be the best wife she could be, regardless of whom she married.  When they came together, they each brought their best selves to the table.

This seems to be a different kind of concentrating on self than the typical self-absorption, and it may help you, OP. [/quote]

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