Reply to How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Fascinating thread, really an awkward problem.  Here's where I come down.

1) OP's child was invited.  Maybe not by the parents, maybe not intentionally, but the child was invited, and thus has the reasonable expectation of being able to attend.

[b]2) Yeah, I get "minors don't get to make decisions without parental approval," but that's the hosting family's problem to work out, not OP's child's.  For the same reasons that parents get to overrule a child, parents are also responsible if the invitation goes out anyway, and in this case it did.  [/b]

3) I'm with those who say contact the parent and communicate that your child was invited to the party and very much wants to go.  That may be awkward for the parents, but tough -- parents have to deal with awkward things.  It does not necessarily create problems for the children for the adults to work this out.  They should know their child issued an invitation and they can make a decision whether to honor it or not.  If they feel they can't for whatever reason, so be it. But they might surprise you and feel an obligation to honor the invitation.

4) Like others, I advise OP to be prepared with an alternative fun activity for DC if the invitation is not maintained.  But preparing that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to get the benefits of the invitation that was in fact extended.

[/quote]

Disagree.  Parents ultimately determine the invites.  Parental invites are the official ones, not the random, pressured,  verbal invites made by minor children.  [/quote]

But that's your perspective, not some iron clad etiquette rule. My children have issued verbal invites to other children for playdates, sleepovers, etc. Verbal party invites used to be the normal way to invite people over for parties in the 80s when I was in elementary school. [/quote]

+1  I have often  heard from DD or DS that so-and-so wants them over for a playdate and so I call the parent to confirm and set it up, if it is ok with the parent.  I would do the same for this birthday party, since it seems from what the child has communicated that the birthday girl definitely has some expectation that he is invited.  And, importantly, this alerts her parent that Larla is inviting other kids and/or talking about her party with kids who won't be attending.  Learning to not talk about parties with those not invited is a very important social lesson and the parent should know she needs help with it.  If it was my kid doing this, I'd be really embarrassed and happy to include the child.

If you get a vibe that the child was definitely excluded purposely, then go with another special activity that makes it so you can't go to the party.  [/quote]

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