Reply to SAHMs: how do you balance time alone versus spouse's time alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I'm interested to know how much alone time other SAHMs and their spouses get per day and per week, as well as how much family time.

If I calculated ours it would be:  me (5 hours per day but this includes daily chores because I do them all during my alone time); spouse (2-3 but he also does sports 2 evenings per week that is not included in this amount); family time (1 hour per day weekdays, weekends varies).

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SAHM to 2 kids here. During the week, I get an hour of alone time in the morning before the kids wake up (I'm usually catching up on email or doing other chores/tasks, but it's relaxing because it's uninterrupted time with my coffee), three days a week I get two hours during the day while the kids are at preschool (again, doing chores/errands, but still relaxing), and then I get about two hours after bedtimes when I make a point of not doing chores but instead read, watch tv, or do hobbies. One evening a week I get a sitter and DH and I do a date night, so I get a couple of extra hours away from the kids.

My husband is around in the morning and spending time with the kids, but isn't responsible for feeding and dressing them so that's downtime for him. He usually gets home after bedtimes, and gets a couple of hours then as well.

On weekends, we each get a morning to sleep in or otherwise be off duty (usually lasts until around 9 am, but can be less or more depending on how everyone's doing), and then our weekends are a combination of divide-and-conquer on kids activities, spending family time together, and trading off responsibility for the kids in an informal way to let each of us get some downtime.

Overall, I don't know that we get more along time that you and your husband do. The difference, I think, is in our attitudes. While the kids are work, we also just regard it as part of our lives, not something to avoid. Also, we're a team in making sure everyone gets what they truly need (as opposed to would ideally like) in the way of a break depending on how busy they've been, whether they've been sick or stressed etc. We rarely get into issues of exactly how many hours each of us is getting. Finally, while we spend plenty of time with the kids, we also appreciate the value in letting them entertain themselves for a while so we can get chores done or take a little time for ourselves to relax. It's good to model for your kids things like reading a book.
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