Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, unless you want your child to be brought up by a nanny. If that is the case, get a good one. And a great preschool also.[/quote]

This is exactly right.  As a law firm partner, his clients come first so by definition he cannot commit to any family obligations.[/quote]

So there are two solutions for his problem of child care for his child.

1. He can compromise.
2. He can tell OP that she has to compromise.

There are a lot of unexamined assumptions here.[/quote]

The thing is, he can't compromise.  The compromise is to get a nanny.  The law firm partner (assuming a top tier firm) is never going to be able to cancel a meeting to take a sick kid to the doctor or commit to show up at a play or sports game.  Once in a while it will work out, and the partner can come to a sports event or chaperone a field trip, but the other spouse or nanny has got to be there as a back-up if the partner suddenly has a big meeting come up.  Just the way it is. [/quote]

This just isn't true. My dad is a (litigation) partner at one of the top firms in DC, and when my brothers were in high school, came to every single Langley lacrosse game for four years running -- and he wasn't the only similarly situated team dad who did. I work in biglaw now and I see it all the time -- there are people who want to make it work with family, and those who don't. It's not always perfect, but nearly all the time, it's a personality and priorities question, not a job issue.[/quote]

From my experience in biglaw, this was probably the one thing he did. He wasn't the one to take you to the doctor, shop for clothes, remember to buy the birthday present for the party on the weekend, go to the holiday program, etc. And maybe that was ok. Lacrosse is what he picked. But he wasn't the default parent. Unless you are old and he was a partner when the profession used to be very different and much more reasonable. [/quote]  Did he make lunches and get the kids lunch every morning?  Did he read every night?  Did he bathe the kids?  How often was he there for dinner? Who took the kids to the doctor?  Who was home when the kids got sick?  If the school nurse called, did he go and get the kid?  Was he responsible for school projects?  Who went to the PTA metings?  It is nice that your dad like Lacrosse, but I don't think that answers the question, as PP noted.[/quote]

I doubt he kept track of whether there was toilet paper in the house; planned birthday parties; communicated with teachers about school issues; kept track of immunization records and dental visits.  &lt;---- These are just a few of the things that a default parent does. [/quote]

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