Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know.  There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function.  It's like the dad doesn't exist.  So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.[/quote]

I wonder if that is me you see.  I am default 3/4 of the year because DH is a teacher.   It is not all that good for my career.  The good news is that I have my own clients, and therefore can set my own schedule, more or less.  Makes it hard, though.  [/quote]

You realize that you are the default parent not because DH is a teacher, but because you are a woman, right? I am also a teacher and the default parent--as is 95% of the other female-mother teachers I work with, including those whose husbands are in BigLaw. Division of parenting responsibilities--even beyond the breast-feeding stage--is still remarkably sexist.[/quote]

Because there is no reason for the parent who gets summers and school holidays off to be the default parent other than sexism?  Come on.[/quote]

Did you read the previous PP? This woman is a law firm partner, her DH is a teacher, and SHE is the one who is the default parent.

It makes sense for many reasons for teachers to be the default parent--which is one reason why so many women are attracted to teaching as a career--but it really only serves to reinforce the idea that parenting responsibilities remain largely divided along gender lines.[/quote]

I don't think that was her point.  I think she was saying she was the default parent as far as school events, drop off and pick up, because her DH as a teacher does not have the flexibility to do these things. As a teacher, you must be at work at a certain time and it is very difficult to leave during the school day.  I am a teacher and  I never do drop off for my kids because I am already teaching 90 minutes before they are in school.  My husband (not a lawyer, but still busy at his own job) does all the drop offs and many of the field trips/parties because it is easier for him to run out for a couple of hours during the day.  [/quote]

Doing just drop offs (not pick ups) and volunteering for school events do not constitute default parent. My DH does both drop offs and volunteers on occasion (and he is an attorney), but he is by no means the default. I am the one who *manages* everything having to do with the kids' lives, and I am a teacher. I do pick ups, afterschool, arrange playdates, email teachers, sign up for activities, buy all the clothes and school supplies, keep track of doctor's appointments and--when necessary--dispensing medications, notice and trim nails, buy diapers appropriately sized, notice the types of food that the kids eat, buy the ingredients for lunches, make grocery lists, notice and buy toiletries for the whole family, buy food for the pets, arrange vet appointments, etc. That is the default parent. And I am guessing that PP attorney default mom may not do the drop offs, but she probably does most of the above list.[/quote]

I am the PP who you are responding to and I agree that what you do is definitely the default.  I am teacher and I do the same as you do.  But the pp who works at the firm was referencing a post about doing drop offs and pick ups and being at school events.  To me, just that is not a default parent.  It wasn't clear what else she does and if she does all the things you referenced above as well.  If her husband is a teacher and she is doing everything 3/4 of the year because of that - I don't understand that.  Because other than the inflexible schedule, a teacher (man or woman) has more time than a law firm partner.  And I say this as a teacher myself.  [/quote]

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