Reply to DH and MIL lied to me about knowing about our pregnancy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]

But you are not going to have a great relationship with every person - whether they are your mother in law or not. I think what you need to focus on is why you have such a hard time letting go of the idea that you would have had a great relationship but for this incident. Yes, the behavior of both your MIL and DH strikes me as inappropriate (especially your DH, but her as well). But it seems to me from your postings that it is unlikely that anything can be done to resolve your issues with MIL - and that is fine. But I do think it would be helpful for you to speak to someone to figure out how to move forward productively and not dwell on it, whether or not you wind up being close with her. You are expending a lot of emotional energy being upset about this, and it doesn't seem that you are getting much benefit from it.

lol @ the evidence of expending emotional energy being because I posted to DCUM about it and paid a lot of attention to my thread today. Isn't the standard for posting to DCUM about something much lower than that?  [/quote]

Ok, then, if you are not worried about it, I'm not sure why you posted in the first place, but if that's the case, I presume you don't need any more advice.
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I can't believe that I have read this entire thread.  [b]OP, why don't you just confront your MIL about this.  I mean you obviously have no problem expressing yourself and making your stance known on integrity, honesty and deception.  Just talk to her about this whole thing.  Maybe print out this thread so that you can remember specific points in your feelings.  Then you can maybe get some closure and you also can get her perspective on the situation.  It may also give you the opportunity to start over with her.  You say you are dealing with this proactively with DH, so now move on to MIL.  You say you can't trust her and that you are sad for the relationship that could have been, well give her and yourself a do over.  If you want to be so honest, then be honest with her.  Tell her how hurt you are over this "deception".  I mean the relationship can't get any worse right?[/b]
Man, I can't win with you guys :)

How about this - I care about it and want things to be improved, but I don't think the fact that I'm posting about it today is evidence that I am OMGZ OBSESSED, I thought that suggestion was funny.[/quote][/quote]

If sincere, thank you.  Can't totally tell bc the quotes are out of order and I'm not sure if I'm reading the right thing :)

Look, in the end my feelings are mine and other people's are theirs.  From my end, it would help to discuss this with her or at least get some kind of communication going on about it.  But for her it may not.  If she doesn't really care about her relationship with me then there is no sense rocking this boat.  This exercise has been useful - if my MIL responds the way at least one poster did here (I think mostly 1, maybe 2), it will just make things worse and the best approach is to just shut up and "let it go" - that won't result in trust or a particularly warm relationship with my MIL, but it may be the best I can hope for.[/quote]

I was the bolded poster, sorry that it posted in between weirdly.

I was being sincere, I think you should talk to her.  She may care or she may not, but at least you would have gotten your feelings off your chest.  But you won't know if you don't talk to her.   Maybe she has been wondering as well why you have been acting like you have been acting for the last year and half.  Reading your posts, this issue seems like it is really laying heavy on you.  I think you should also think about that, why is this bothering you so much?  You and DH are working it out, why are you holding this against MIL?  I think I read that she does not know you know right?  So all of this time, have you been treating her like a Wicked MIL?  Give her chance to be forgiven (without her apologizing).  [/quote]

Thanks - it probably seems more so like that because I'm responding a lot today.  And I'm honestly not trying to be defensive, just adding context and deluding myself that it will help people understand :)  But it's true that I wish things were better between me and her, and this threw a wrench into that struggle, which has been perpetual.
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