Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm always baffled by the "I knew he was unhappy with our sex life, but I wish he'd let me know he was seriously unhappy" posts. If he's gotten to the point he is making you aware of his dissatisfaction, it's serious. Unless he's the kind of guy who whines generally. [/quote]

I'm the long-winded poster above. There are lots of things people are unhappy about but willing to put up with, and lots if things people are unhappy about but they put up with temporarily because other stuff is taking precedent. I was unhappy (and let him know) that he wasn't helping with the kids at all, that he was angry most if time, unwilling to recognize my needs, etc. Not so much that I was willing to leave him or cheat (didn't really have time for either anyway).  Took him having an affair to wake up to the validity if my needs too. [/quote]

Thanks for responding. There was a lot of value in your post above. I didn't have the time to write anything more extensive than what I put in the PP, so my apologies if I was dismissive.

When I've expressed unhappiness about our sex life, my wife has raised issues of, for example, being tired from all the work around the house or needing help with the kids. No problem. I step up my efforts with the kids. I step up my efforts with the housework. I've been patient -- eventually the kids went to school full time. She expressed a need, I made an effort to address them. You think that moved the needle on our sex life a bit? Nope. So, even though she was probably sincere when she said those were things killing her sex drive, I'm just left feeling like a manipulated chump. I make her life easier. So, does she spend her extra leisure time thinking of ways to make our sex life better? Nope. She just fills up her hours with extra hobbies and tasks.

So, your post makes me wonder if it takes some over-the-top, unconscionable asshole move like an affair to wake her the fuck up to the fact that our sex life sucks, and after years of patience and heart-to-heart talking and trying to meet the preconditions she throws in the way, I'm starting to despair and come to the conclusion that our sex life will never, ever get better.[/quote]

I'm a wife in your position. Did counseling and the improvements lasted about 6 weeks. Bottom line: sex will never be materially better for me, because my H is just not that interested. Our kids are older now but like your wife, my H finds other things, including sleeping 10 hours a night, to do to avoid sex. Low drive people are just low drive people.[/quote]

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